Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Ladies and Gents!

Happy (half hour early) St. Patrick’s Day, everyone! In honor of this holiday, I’m going to repost the most Irish-related post I’ve ever published. It is (surprisingly to me), one of the most popular posts on this blog. It’s a post in which I poured my heart out, the post many of you have loved and read, and the post in which I famously lost my shit. I STILL can’t believe some of the things I wrote in this post. The post I’m talking about my dears, is, of course, the post in which I reviewed Scarlett by Alexandra Ripley, the awful stinker of an authorized sequel to GWTW. So reread, relaugh, and enjoy!!

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am a diehard “Windie” (Gone with the Wind fan). I’ve read the 1,037 page book (my second-favorite of all time, after Les Miserables), about six times, and I’ve lost count as to how many times I’ve seen the film. I just know that it’s over 20. And if you’ve been looking at my sidebar, you might have noticed that I’ve been reading “Scarlett” a sequel to GWTW authorized by the Margaret Mitchell Estate and written by Southern romance author Alexandra Ripley. I’ve heard VERY mixed reviews on this book, so I thought that I had to read and judge it for myself. I don’t believe in any sequels unless they are written by the original author, so I read this for pure entertainment, and to see just how good it is. Well…I’m sorry to say that the negative hype that had always surrounded the book is 100% true in my opinion. The book gradually got harder and harder to read, there were weeklong periods where I would neglect it in favor of doing something else, and it became a serious drag by the end. When I finished it last night, I was so physically exhausted in such a bad way, as though I had been put through the wringer. Now I present to you my “list of grievances”, every single thing I found wrong with this travesty.

GWTW Became Commercialized: The Mitchell Estate made a BIG mistake when choosing Alexandra Ripley as author of their proposed GWTW sequel. Yes, she, like Mitchell, was a Southern writer. But she, unlike Mitchell, wrote fluffy romance novels. You know, the ones that your mother or other female family member enjoyed and that you liked to flip through when she wasn’t looking. This sequel was so…commercialized and mass-market. It was cheap. “Scarlett” is nothing but an overly-long “bodice ripper” romance or 1980s Harlequin romance with some of Mitchell’s characters thrown in, and Ripley’s illogical creations thrown in there as well. I’m sure you’ve come across fan fiction. This book is like a really REALLY bad, really REALLY long fan fiction.

Ripley is not Mitchell: As I’ve stated above, nothing really ties the two authors together. Why Ripley was chosen, I have no idea. As I plowed through the stupid book, I couldn’t help but question if Ripley actually read and studied Mitchell’s work before attempting to work with her material and characters. It was that ludicrous! Considering the thin storyline, the book was much too long–823 pages–and felt much longer than the four-figure page number of the original. That’s a problem. The “drama” was so forced, as though Ripley had a page requirement to fill. Did she think that writing a long book would make her novel as much of an epic as Mitchell’s? That’s the most laughable idea imaginable! But Ripley made no bones about it. She said herself that she took on the assignment only to bolster her own fame and so “everyone can listen to every damn thing she had to say”, to paraphrase a quote of hers. I have no clue how this hot mess made it past the publishers! These were my thoughts after reading about a quarter of the book, but I have an annoying habit of seeing every book I read till the end, and I secretly hoped to find something of merit in the novel, so I marched onward. To be completely honest, if you changed the names “Scarlett and Rhett” to something else and placed the book in cheap romance section of the bookstore, then this book would’ve been passable (a 2 out of 5) but since it is the sequel to the greatest American novel of all time, it’s simply horrible! Ms Mitchell does not deserve to have her work desecrated and cheapened in this way. The writing is nothing like hers, and the characters don’t retain their personalities. At. All. It’s unethical for someone else to take another author’s work and mess around with their plot, settings, and characters. However, this is not entirely Ripley’s fault. She was commissioned to write this (what happened in the book though, is her fault). As a reviewer on Amazon said, “There is no such thing as a sequel to a masterpiece”.

The Plot: In a nutshell, it is ludicrous, laughable, unbelievable, and downright boring and pointless. It gets rid of all the characters we know and love, gives us a bunch of stupid new ones, and takes the action from Georgia to Ireland. IRELAND?! Anyway, in GWTW all the actions and dialogue carried some weight or meaning and helped to propel the novel forward. In “Scarlett”, all the actions were absolutely meaningless, the dialogue was stupefyingly cliched and forced, and it combined to make a story more stagnant than an algae-infested swamp in the middle of July. Nothing leads to nothing (I never understood that line from King Lear until now) and the characters do not develop whatsoever. They’re still the same insipid things we started out with on page one. All 823 pages are filled with tea parties, balls, hunts, dances, musicales, and house parties that lead to scenic NOWHERE. All of it can be removed and there would be no difference in the action of the story. But the actions that do propel the story forward are so unbelievable and bizarre. There is no detail (save who wore what and who said what at whose party), and none of that sweeping, grand imagery in GWTW.

Scarlett Sells Tara: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Sorry for the language, but there are some times in which it is needed. And this is one of those times. Tara was Scarlett’s lifeblood, her sanctuary, her place to go when she needed to get away from it all and find peace and renewed energy. She loved Tara more than she loved herself; it was a crucial theme of the original novel. She did anything for it, even marry men she didn’t love just to build it back to its former greatness. However, Ripley has Scarlett sell Tara without a second thought. In a heartbeat. In the blink of an eye. Suddenly, she feels that she “doesn’t belong” at Tara. THE FUCK?! And she doesn’t sell it to just anyone. She sells it to Suellen. The sister she always hated with all her heart. The sister who did not understand the value of Tara in GWTW. That is a shocking shame and insult to fans of the novel and the film.

The Characters: Ripley makes quick work of getting rid of Mitchell’s beloved, lively characters and stuffing in droves of her own boring, flat, two-dimensional ones instead. Not only are all the characters seriously under-developed and remain the same from beginning to end, but they have a really bad habit of coming in at random moments and disappearing suddenly, never to be heard from again. Not even like, five chapters into the book, Mammy is killed off (because she would just get in the way of Scarlett’s misadventures later on in the book). Ashley, Aunt Pitty, Wade, Ella, Will Benteen, Suellen…everyone is thrown away as soon as possible. Nor does Scarlett seem to care. I really would’ve liked to see how she keeps her promise to Melanie from the end of GWTW, but do you think that even crossed Ripley’s mind? No, sir. All of Mitchell’s marvelous characters are killed off or ignored. It’s so upsetting, and obviously reeks of cheap romance novel. All the characters are thrust into the most bizarre and unbelievable situations imagined, that it’s actually kind of funny that someone could’ve thought of this and write it on paper without thinking “this is stupid.” No one, absolutely no one, not even Scarlett and Rhett, are complex or compelling, and are more like weak, diluted shadows of their former selves or knockoff clones of Mitchell’s original characters. Anne Hampton (who Rhett MARRIES in the book!!!) is a bad Melanie clone, Luke Fenton is a bad clone of Rhett and Scarlett’s daughter by Rhett, Cat, is an even worse, freaky clone of Bonnie. It’s all such utter nonsense.

Scarlett: She is so stupid, whiny, irritating, and a poor, mere shadow of the strong spitfire we loved in GWTW. In a masquerade ball (one of the many), she is so stupid she doesn’t even recognize Rhett! She also suddenly renounces her genteel upbringing and ladylike veneer and becomes an Irish peasant who refuses to wear a corset or a fancy gown (instead she’s happy with tacky colored petticoats and striped stockings. Uhh, this isn’t Pippi Longstocking, Alexandra Ripley), receives guests barefoot, has no furniture in her house, dances jigs in the street, spits in her hands, and engages in extramarital sex. Yep, she’s turned into an animal. The Scarlett here is utterly mindless, and none of the growth and maturity from GWTW is present here. Scarlett, who was hard-headed, unimaginative, and full of common sense, suddenly takes an interest in superstition, magic and mysticism (which the book is rife with). In GWTW, Scarlett renounces religion and has trouble understanding the minds of the people around her. So now she blindly believes the fairy tales people tell her? This magic crap started when she went to Ireland (because the official religion of Ireland is magic, obviously), and shot through the roof after a creepy-ass witch lady gives her a caesarean with the kitchen knife on Halloween night. And the witch lady heals her with her magical spells. What the fuck is this? Harry Potter? And what is the wonderful name she gives her child? CAT.  You know, after those things that meow. And then she suddenly becomes the world’s most loving, caring, and doting mother to Cat, after she practically alienated her other three children from her in GWTW and continues to abandon Wade and Ella in this sequel! Does Ripley think we’re stupid or something? Her own plot is so riddled with holes that it even contradicts itself! Also while in Ireland, she doesn’t realize that a civil war is brewing right under her nose, even though she’s already been through one! And suddenly, Scarlett is secretly supporting the Fenian Brotherhood and inviting Charles Parnell to her house (I don’t know if Ripley was trying to be all smartass on us and sneak in a Gable reference) when she would literally sleep with her eyes open every time politics was mentioned in the original. What’s even more annoying is that the Irish in the book are so fake and pagan that they worship Scarlett as some sort of savior or goddess, calling her “The O’Hara” (great title, huh?) and she becomes so…nice. Scarlett, that famously flawed, selfish, spoiled brat starts doing benevolent things for people without a greedy ulterior motive. This rebirth of Scarlett as this golden soul was a TOTAL FAIL and reflected no understanding at all of Mitchell’s work. The ending of the book is totally implausible and laughable, to say it nicely (I might as well reveal the end, no one deserves to go through the entire book to find out). The townspeople (yeah, Scarlett builds her own town on the O’Hara’s former land…Ballyhara. Can it get any dumber?) rebel against Scarlett, accusing her and her daughter of witchcraft (WTF?!) They burn her town down and go looking for her, pitchforks and torches in hand. Meanwhile, she reunites with Rhett (who just happens to randomly appear in Ireland) and escapes with him and Cat to hide from the dissenters in a creepy, old tower that’s apparently haunted by a ghost, where she wants to do nothing but have sex on the stone floor with Rhett, while her child sleeps like, a foot away from them, and her town is in flames around them. My mind cannot even begin to describe how stupid this ending was.

Rhett: No longer the witty, sarcastic scoundrel that captured the hearts and minds of women everywhere, Rhett loses all of his masculinity and becomes so attached to his mother that it’s unnatural. He becomes so serious and kind of a wimp, not the reckless dashing blackguard of GWTW. After living through a storm at sea while going on an innocent boating excursion with Scarlett in the beginning of the book, he has sex on the beach with her (WOW). Afterwards he tells her he only did it because they didn’t drown in the boating accident. Then he deserts her on the island. It’s so stupid! And my eyes were glazing over every time I read about how good Rhett looked in his apparently wrinkle-proof sweater. The reader also learns that Rhett goes back to Charleston not only to make amends with his family, but to rebuild his plantation (since when did he even care about his stupid plantation?) and indulge in his new favorite hobby of planting flowers. RHETT BUTLER PLANTING FLOWERS. You read right, unfortunately. And why, oh WHY did he marry that Melanie clone?!?!?!

The Traveling: Scarlett goes wherever she wants: from Tara to Charleston, Charleston to Savannah, America to Ireland, Ireland to America, across the entire country of Ireland…all in the blink of an eye. She instantly pops from place to place like some kind of magician, and the journey across the Atlantic from America to Ireland is of no consequence or importance to her! There was one part in which she journeys across Ireland, forward and back, in one day. By horse. What’s she got, Pegasus? Oh, and Ireland is not the size of your backyard, Alexandra Ripley.

Ireland: How could Scarlett abandon her beloved Tara for Ireland? Wasn’t this the great AMERICAN novel??? It’s absolutely INSULTING to GWTW fans, since Ripley messed around with a cornerstone of American culture and literature by ripping the story out and putting it in a different country. Georgia becomes a distant, painless memory to Scarlett. One of the greatest things about GWTW was the backdrop of the South, with its grandeur and uniquely American attitude. Moving the action to Ireland is ridiculous! Ripley obviously didn’t want to fool with postwar Georgia (because she knew nothing about it), but what she did was blasphemous, since the south was the essence of the novel. As soon as Scarlett met her Irish relations, I knew it going to go downhill from there. And boy, it went downhill like a monstrous avalanche. This book was not only insulting to GWTW fans, but it was insulting to the Irish. I’m not Irish, but I do know many people of Irish descent, and they aren’t superstitious, crazy alcoholics who believe in fairies and leprechauns! She makes it seem like Grimm’s Fairy Tales is the Irish Bible. It destroyed that sense of place and history so prevalent in Mitchell’s original.

The Sex: Being a cheap romance novelist, Ripley tried to add a sex element to her sequel, but failed embarrassingly. Scarlett is turned into an unnaturally beautiful, ageless seductress, even though she’s almost 40 by the time the novel ends. The drunken kiss/attack on Scarlett from Ross Butler (Rhett’s brother) was pointless and downright ridiculous. Scarlett, who famously loathed sex and found the act repulsive, suddenly lured men like a vamp and had extramarital sex with one that she barely knew. After a boating accident, she has sex on the beach with Rhett (which is the cheesiest thing in the entire world). And a scene in which she sensually fondles herself when thinking about Rhett STILL makes my skin crawl.

But I Learned Something From This Book: Now I know why the original story ended where it did. There was simply nothing more to write, no more story to tell. Mitchell took ten years to write GWTW, and she was very tired of it. In her will, she requested that all her notes and manuscripts dealing with GWTW be destroyed. This was faithfully carried out by her husband. We were clearly never meant to know what happens to Scarlett and Rhett. One of the beautiful things about GWTW was that the reader can create their own ending for Scarlett and Rhett. The magic of the novel lies in that cliffhanger, and cemented its timelessness in the hearts of millions.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Hope you are spending it with someone special! And here’s a sweet little secret from me: you are ALL my Valentines today!!! Because I love each and every one of you! (P.S. I like anything velvet, sparkly, or peacock!)

If you thought the corniness ended there, you’re wrong. Let’s celebrate by looking at classic movie stars doing adorable, sweet, mushy things, shall we?

Here’s one of my favorite photos of Clark Gable and Carole Lombard. Ugh. Can you say PERFECTION? They’re so cute together it kinda makes me sick, but in a very good way. This is the classic movie lover’s dream relationship right here!

There is something so sweet about Spencer Tracy letting Katharine Hepburn use his back as a table. It reminds me of my high school’s annual Walk-A-Thon in which all my friends would sign the backs of each other’s shirts. Let’s just say that mom was none too happy to see me coming in with my Walk-A-Thon t-shirt covered in rainbow messages and signatures. But Spence is just so much more adorable than a high school student. The way he’s crouching obediently for Kate…that’s the way it should be. Men, take note.

Guys…IT’S CARY GRANT WITH A PUPPY IN HIS POCKET!!!!! Cute man+cute puppy=heart exploding. There’s just something so masculine about a man with a tiny dog, isn’t there?

AWWW GARY AND ROCKY COOPER KISSING! She’s one lucky woman….

The Gary Cooper cute doesn’t end there. Here he is nuzzling noses with Shirley Temple. It’s the icing on the cutie patootie cake. And mark this, since this is a rare moment in which I actually think Shirley Temple is cute…

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…BABY BUSTER KEATON. Look at his little hands and his little chubby cheeks! :’) Maybe I should do a part 2 to the classic movie babies post I did two years ago…

Gary Cooper seriously needs to stop being so frickin’ cute. But instead of Rocky, he is with my fellow Brooklyn sister Barbara Stanwyck.

It’s William Powell high-fiving a turtle. If you don’t think that this is cute then you have no business reading my blog. Or living on this planet. Goodbye.

ALFRED HITCHCOCK AND A KOALA. THE RESEMBLANCE CANNOT BE BORNE.

;___________: JEANETTE MACDONALD WITH A WEE LITTLE BABY BUNNY IS ACTUALLY MAKING ME CRY TEARS OF HAPPINESS.

As Clark Gable told Claudette Colbert in this film, “you look kinda pretty asleep.” She’s a cutie pie too!

Gary Cooper ought to take the cuteness prize because he keeps popping up over and over again in this post. Here, he is teaching his young daughter Maria how to dance. And they say actors are lousy parents!

Looks like Fred and Ginger had themselves a little moment there!

Norma Shearer HAS GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. THAT IS THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE DOG THING I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON. Like…THAT’S ACTUALLY A DOG!?

This Handsome Men with Puppies in their Pockets trend continues here with Buster Keaton. And it should never stop.

This post has made me come to the conclusion that Norma Shearer probably owned an entire menagerie of unbelievably cute and impossibly tiny animals.

That’s all I’ve got! Happy Valentine’s Day, loves!

After The Thin Man (1936)

Hello lovelies! I realized that I haven’t done a film review in an extremely long time, so I plan to concentrate on just turning them out for a while. Here’s a fun one to start us off…

After the Thin Man stars our two favorite detectives: the fast-talking, hard-drinking, sharp-tongued husband and wife duo Nick and Nora Charles (William Powell and Myrna Loy, an onscreen couple that never fails to make me get down on my knees and thank God for creating them). But this time, instead of running around New York, they are back home in San Francisco, where they can relax…or so they think. When the Charleses go to spend New Year’s Eve with Nora’s old, stuffy aunt and her aristocratic family, they find themselves entangled in yet another mystery when they find out that cousin Selma’s husband has been missing for three days and rumored to be running around with a club singer. After Nick and Nora find him, Robert is shot that same night, and Selma is accused of murder. As the case goes on, several other murders occur. But was it Selma? Or was it her kindhearted suitor, David (Jimmy Stewart)? Was it the skeevy club owners? The seedy torch singer? Her greedy blackmailing brother? The possibilities are endless, and it’s up to Nick and Nora to make sense of it all.

Powell and Loy are at it again!

Often considered to be the best of The Thin Man sequels, After the Thin Man was the second of the six films in the series and the sixth out of the fourteenth pairing for Loy and Powell. Nowadays, fourteen pairings of the same actor and actress sounds repetitive and ridiculous. But not in Old Hollywood, which went by the rule of “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” and made you like it! No matter how many times you watch Powell and Loy on the screen, they just never get stale and old. Their chemistry is always top notch, they have spark and zap, and can make anything worth watching. Without a doubt, the antics and verbal banter that these two get into in this film provide almost all of the laughs.

The rest of the laughs in this come from…Asta. Yup. The Thin Man series was (and still is amongst the classic movie set) enormously popular, but I don’t think anyone has ever commented on how awesome that little dog is. Seriously. I’d go so far as to say that Asta is my favorite character in the whole series. This dog is freakin hilarious. One of the best parts of After the Thin Man is the cute little subplot with Asta and Mrs. Asta (and HOW ADORABLE ARE THEIR BABY PUPS?!) and my favorite scene in the film is when Asta accidentally eats a clue! Another thing that is special about After the Thin Man is that you can watch it, understand it, and enjoy it all without seeing the first film. Pretty neat, huh?

Asta the Pooch: more talented than most of today’s Hollywood actors

The ending of the film is pretty cute, too. Here’s a spoiler (without giving away the identity of the killer): after the case is over and done, Nora insinuates to Nick that they are going to have a baby. Of course, being a man, which means being a bit thickheaded when it comes to such matters (sorry, boys!) he didn’t get the hint, resulting in perhaps one of the most famous quotes from Nora in the whole series: “and you call yourself a detective!”

One of the most notable things about this film is the performance by a very very  very early Jimmy Stewart. He will make your jaw drop. That’s all I’ll say here.

Oh look, it’s baby Jimmy!

Overall, a very fun, yet lighthearted film with plenty of comic relief! One of the reasons why the Thin Man films are so enjoyable is that they take a serious topic like crime and make it somehow…fun? Geez that sounds terrible. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!!!

A Few Messages From Humphrey Bogart

As we all know, Humphrey Bogart was the man. He was rough, tough, and probably more awesome than anyone ever. Here’s what he has to say about various topics that all of us think about:

Humphrey Bogart on drinking:

Humphrey Bogart on the bicycle craze:

Humphrey Bogart on celebrity disguises:

Humphrey Bogart on modern-day films:

Humphrey Bogart on the male package:

P.S. Happy Australia Day to all my Australian readers!

That Awkward Moment When…(Part II)

Hello my darlings! Here’s a sequel to the original “That Awkward Moment When” (http://goldenagedames.wordpress.com/2012/10/12/that-awkward-moment-when/) in which we saw that the flawless gods and goddesses of classic film were actually normal people like you and me. So next time you do something embarrassing, don’t fret! Think of this:

That Awkward Moment When Spencer Tracy Forgot His Pants

This scene is from one of my favorite Tracy films, Father of the Bride. Thankfully, father Spencer Tracy did not appear at daughter Liz Taylor’s wedding looking like this. Or maybe he could’ve. He has nice, slim, hairless legs.

That Awkward Moment When Bette Davis Flubs The Line

I think it’s really cute when classic movie stars, especially legends like Bette Davis, mess up the line. The reactions that old movie stars had were vastly different from the reaction stars have today. Like, they would get really upset and embarrassed that they messed up. Back then, time and film were precious, since we are talking about the Studio Era during the Depression. Some actors had really hilarious reactions, though. Like Carole Lombard’s streams of profanity whenever she messed up. You can see plenty of these classic film bloopers on YouTube!

That Awkward Moment When Lucille Ball and Harpo Marx Are Long-Lost Twins

I think I might’ve blogged this before, but the crazy resemblance here never fails to astound me. This is from one of my all-time favorite I Love Lucy episodes, the one in which she dresses up as tons of classic movie actors to impress her New York friend and ends up meeting Harpo Marx. This photo has convinced me that Lucy and Harpo are long-lost twins. They have the same hair, smiles, maniacal expressions…there’s no way that these two weren’t womb-mates!

That Awkward Moment When Marlon Brando Duckfaced

This photo of Richard Burton and Marlon Brando never fails to make me laugh hysterically. I feel that I’m looking at a picture of two bozos on Facebook instead of two acting greats. It has all the qualities of a Facebook photo: the background is obviously someone’s home, they have that “hey buddy!” pose, and the photo was taken with a low-quality camera. But what makes this the absolute perfect Facebook shot is Marlon Brando’s duckface. The man was definitely ahead of his time here. But instead of making the pose something ridiculous that is only done by ugly fake pussies, Brando makes it look classy. Only because it’s Brando.

That Awkward Moment When Buster Keaton Looks Like A Baywatch Babe

Buster Keaton is one beautiful hunk of man. Nothing makes it more obvious than this photo. Look at him seductively gliding through the water like he’s some god of the sea. Look at that sexy swimsuit, complete with an undershirt. Look at those nice pecs. And look at the wonderfully glum expression. He’s giving Pam Anderson a run for her money here.

That Awkward Moment When Joan Crawford Is Given An Ugly Portrait of Herself

Imagine you are Joan Crawford. You are asked to sit for a painting. All the while, you are positive that this painting will be a beautiful gorgeous replica of your beautiful gorgeous face. Then you get…THIS. What the HELL is that painting even?! That’s not pretty Joanie! It looks like the frickin spawn of the devil. And look at Joan’s face. I wouldn’t be pleased if I were painted as Satan’s mistress either. Thankfully her self-esteem didn’t go downhill after this one.

That Awkward Moment When Winston Churchill Leaves Very Little to the Imagination

Okay, I know Winston Churchill isn’t a classic movie star but I came across this photo and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to post this. This takes the cake in embarrassing swimsuit moments (and we’ve all had them) because here he’s actually wearing a swimsuit yet it’s so tight that he might as well be naked. Way to flash the entire beach, Winston Churchill.

That Awkward Moment When Laurence Olivier Ruins the Picture

This has to be my favorite photo of Viv and Larry. There’s Vivien Leigh, so gorgeous and glamorous, as always. And then there is Laurence Olivier, in perhaps the most hilarious photobomb in the history of photography. I’m actually surprised that the usually serious Olivier’s face didn’t shatter into a thousand pieces from all that laughing. Touche, Larry.

That Awkward Moment When Errol Flynn Looks Like He Isn’t Wearing Pants

This is a very frustrating awkward moment. I WISH he wasn’t wearing any pants. But if you look very closely, he is in fact wearing those little tiny swim trunks all the men in the 1930s wore. Drat.

That Awkward Moment When Carole Lombard and Robert Montgomery Are Losing It Over Baby Cows

It’s pretty funny to see non-farm folks doing farm things. Observe how these two baby calves are obviously getting the better of Carole and Rob. Carole seems horrified, but she’s doing a lot better than Robert Montgomery, who is actually about to fall over right into the calves little pen. Which is fine, I don’t like him that much anyway (crucify me now).

That Awkward Moment When Humphrey Bogart Is Dressed Like a Grandma in Public

Humphrey, why are you making what seems to be a public speech when dressed like a sweet little Victorian-era grandmother? What has gotten into you, my man? You are supposed to be a rough-n’-tough hardboiled detective! But he’s Humphrey Bogart and he’s always cool so he probably got away with this.

That Awkward Moment When Katharine Hepburn Shreds Better Than A Twelve Year-Old Boy

Katharine Hepburn is awesome for many reasons. But I betcha didn’t know that she can skateboard! Judging by this photo, she’s got some mad skills. She skateboards so much better than those shrimpy twelve year-old boys with baggy clothes and oily hair who think that they are skating gods but actually end up scraping their knees on the pavement. Kate the Great should’ve been featured in an episode of Rocket Power, if you ask me.

That Awkward Moment When Katharine Hepburn Makes A Giant Food Mess

Here’s another awkward moment featuring Kate the Great, but here she’s dishing the gossip…and the food crumbs. Look at that abhorrent mess around her plates! Oh my Jesus. I don’t know if any of the food that was on these plates actually made it into Kate’s digestive system. It looks like it all ended up as mess for janitors to clean. Hollywood actresses were supposed to eat like ladies, not like cavemen!

That Awkward Moment When Humphrey Bogart and Peter Lorre are Sitting Naked in a Sauna and Playing Cards

I think the title says it all here. No further explanation is needed. But those tan lines are hilarious.

That Awkward Moment When Katharine Hepburn Takes a Dive

Kate is on a roll today! This is the third awkward moment featuring her. I believe this extremely embarrassing moment was from a film, but I can’t remember which. It must be from a film, since if someone just happened to push her into the water like that, I would assume they’d never see the light of day ever again.

That Awkward Moment When Gary Cooper Is Too Tall for His Horse

Dude’s feet are pretty much dragging on the ground. His 6’3″ is much too much for that fat little pony. But Coop looks like he’s making the best of the situation, even though the Coop-to-pony ratio is greatly imbalanced.

That Awkward Moment When Fred Astaire Defies Gravity

I know he’s an amazing dancer but COME AWN. He FLIES now?! Can he stop being so perfect and otherworldly and just be a human being like everyone else?

That Awkward Moment When Your Music is Making Cary Grant’s Ears Bleed

Here, Eva Marie Saint and James Mason were attempting to serenade Cary Grant with a song on the harp while on the set of North by Northwest. However, Cary Grant found the song so vile and so shitty that he had to cover his ears before he lost his sense of hearing entirely. Sorry guys, your music isn’t classy enough for Cary.

That Awkward Moment When James Cagney Falls Into a Cactus Bush and Bette Davis Just Laughs

Wow, Bette Davis. Poor James Cagney is visibly dying from pain and you just stand there and laugh? What a hard, cold woman.

That Awkward Moment When Vivien Leigh is Dressed to the Nines and Lauren Bacall is Dressed in a Bathrobe

The difference between Viv and Betty in this picture is astounding. Viv is dressed to perfection in black, furs, and pearls. Timeless! However, Lauren Bacall is hanging around in a fuzzy, too-small bathrobe that looks like one I owned when I was four years old. Now that’s what I call awkward!

That Awkward Moment When Ray Milland is Very, Very Drunk

The guy is holding a shot and licking his hand. There is no explanation other than he was drunk, someone took a picture of it, and now it is on the Internet. Awks…

Hope you enjoyed this latest installment! x

Thank You, Ex-Boyfriend

Hey everyone, hope you’re all having a happy holiday! I know that in the past I’ve been absent from my blog a lot due to illness (but recently it’s been because of school) and I think I ought to come clean about that: I’ve been ill in past months due to abhorrent treatment from my ex (the one I’ve blogged about in the past). I thought about making this giant scorching expose of him and his family on here, but then I thought that it would be too inflammatory (even for me) and that you will lose respect for me and I would end up losing respect for myself too. Maybe I’ll save the scathing expose for my memoirs. However, because it’s the holiday season, I thought I would talk about all the good things that he has done for me. Everyone comes to you for a reason, after all.

So, thank you ex-boyfriend, for so many things:

Thank you for constant verbal abuse. It was strange to have you calling me horrible things while my friends at school were telling me that I am beautiful inside and out. It taught me who my true friends are and it taught me to seek those who see beauty in others always.

Thank you for lazy, stay-at-home attitude. It has increased my sense of adventure and exploration. While you’re probably spending your nights reading the expiration dates on your dairy products, as a friend of mine so famously said, I’ve been going out and seeing new places and meeting new people. Thank you for that.

Thank you for never defending me when I needed it. While you sat there like an ass, other male friends have rushed to my defense. It taught me that chivalry isn’t as dead as you make it seem to be.

Thank you for ridiculing me on a public forum. It taught me that only sissies and losers would publicly make fun of a girl on Facebook and not to feel hurt by your comments.

Thank you for saying that you were the one who blocked me on Facebook. That’s why I’m looking at your name and your sister’s name under my block list, right?

Thank you for being misogynistic. It’s been the butt of jokes amongst many, many people. Trust me.

Thank you for always turning the conversation to yourself. It taught me to seek the humbleness and modesty in others.

Thank you for being a liar. It taught me that honesty is the best policy.

Thank you for being narrow-minded. It taught me to open my mind and to be accepting towards all people.

Thank you for your disdain of the arts. It has only increased my artistic passions and creative pursuits.

Thank you for trying to tear me away from my family. It taught me that they are #1.

Thank you for insulting my friends. It has only made me love them more.

Thank you for trying to destroy my male friendships. They have become like brothers to me.

Thank you for trying to destroy my self-esteem. I may be different, but I enjoy being different. And other people appreciate it too.

Thank you for driving me to suicide several times. Now I can’t even entertain the thought.

Thank you for hating the city in which I live. Now I’d never move out of here for anything.

Thank you for thinking that you are a better-looking version of Gary Cooper. It still cracks me up that you can actually think that about yourself. Bless your little heart.

Thank you for disrespecting me. It taught me that good relationships should be based on respect above anything else. Too bad that means you can never have a good relationship, since you don’t respect women.

Thank you for calling me “crazy” and “kooky” every time I showed emotion. It taught me to seek those who understand emotion and know how to behave accordingly.

Thank you for your lazy attitude towards work. It has encouraged me to work a job, volunteer, and to seek a second job.

Thank you for always doing poorly in school. It has spurred me to keep up my good grades.

Thank you for hating 95% of the world’s population. And for silly things too, like their religion or their sexual orientation. It taught me to never judge anyone and to appreciate what each person has to offer.

Thank you for being racist and supporting white supremacy. It further showed me something that I always knew: that all people are beautiful.

Thank you for always shitting on my culture. It taught me that all cultures are fascinating.

Thank you for touting yourself as a “real man.” I bet you don’t even have a penis, kinda like a Ken doll when you pull his pants off.

Thank you for calling yourself a Christian. It taught me that a true Christian is the exact opposite of what you are.

Thank you for being intolerant of other faiths. It taught me to never judge anyone on their beliefs.

Lastly, thank you for cheating on me with multiple girls. It gave me the energy and realization to leave you and to make my life so much better without your miserable presence.

This is for his sister, who’s just as bad as he is:

Thank you for trying to ruin the relationship. It taught me to never stick my nose in other people’s business. It also taught me that you need to get a life.

Thank you for being jealous of me. I didn’t know that living in New York City and being a size 4 was that special or important, but it taught me that materialistic and shallow people like you are always the most miserable.

Thank you for saying that I “live in a fantasy world.” Meanwhile you think you live in an episode of “Gossip Girl.” It’s always fun to deal with people of meager intelligence such as yourself.

Thank you for your mindless celeb-worship. It taught me to look up to people who actually do something besides make assholes of themselves.

Thank you for your alcoholism. It taught me to take good care of myself and to look my best always, not like some drunk slob who vomits and pees herself.

Thank you for not going to college. It reminds me that someday I’ll be making money while you’ll be living off mommy and daddy for as long as you live.

Thank you for spending 20 out of the 24 hours a day on your X-Box. It taught me to actually go out and to actually meet people and gain new experiences.

Thank you for falling in love with your brother. Because who else would marry someone like him besides someone like yourself?

I write this because I know that many women have or will go through an abusive relationship. It’s so tough and it tears you apart. I don’t want something like this to happen to anyone. Please, take my experience as an example and let yourself go of those who fill you with negative energy. No one is worth the damage that such a relationship can cause. I’m glad I’ve found the strength to shake these bums off and lead a happy, fulfilling life once more. What are you thankful for this holiday season? xx

“IT’S OVER! THE WAR’S OVER!”

No, guys, I’m not Gerald O’Hara rejoicing that the Civil War is finally over. But I’m rejoicing that in several hours, THIS SEMESTER IS FINALLY OVER.

THANK GOODNESS.

WHAT A NEVER-ENDING NIGHTMARE THIS WAS.

And after this winter break begins…so I will blog by day and go to the 1000 Christmas parties I’ve been invited to by night!

I’ve even got my first grade of the semester…and IT’S AN A+!!!!!!

Which means that tonight I’ll be completely losing my mind at my favorite show/dance performance/immersive theater piece Sleep No More.

Yes, again.

But don’t look at me funny, there are people out there who have seen this show OVER 50 TIMES. Some people have all the time (and money, geez Louise, a ticket is $90 a pop!)

See y’alls real soon! xx

Well Guys, I’m Sure You All Know What This Is About…

It’s yet another reason why I’m World’s Worst Blogger.

I hope y’alls forgive me for not writing these past three weeks, but this semester has been absolutely EXCRUCIATING! Honestly, it feels like it has dragged on for three years. The work is never-ending (CAN THESE PROFESSORS PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL) that sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose all sanity because of it. Seven term papers and three finals and one final project is probably worse than Medieval torture. I actually sprained my thumb last night writing my study guide for a final >:(

But on December 20th, it will ALL. BE. OVER. FINALLY. And I’ll write again, I promise!!!

Sorry again guys. Just gotta finish all this schoolwork! (if that’s even possible…)

 

Things I’m Thankful For

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY LOVELY READERS! Even to my international readers! Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays for three reasons:1) It revolves around FOOD which is the greatest thing in the world. Food is my friend.
2) It is the beginning of my favorite time of the year…the holiday season!
3) I get to seriously contemplate all of the things I am thankful for.

So here’s the classic movie-related list of things I am thankful for this year.

1) That Clark Gable existed and made movies. Seriously Gabeykins, where would I be without you?

2) That Jean Harlow existed and made movies. She’s my ultimate girl crush with Clara Bow running a close second.

3) On a non classic film-related note: That Barack Obama is still our president. The first president I ever voted for WON! YEAHHHHH! Ladies, here’s to four years without a strange man of questionable religious beliefs all up in our uteruses!

This is me pulling off my best red, white, and blue the day after Obama beat Romney to a pulp. My face says derp, but I think it’s impossible for me to not look like an idiot. Oh, well!

4) I’m thankful for all the new great classics that I’ve discovered and continue to discover each and every year.

5) I’m thankful for all the inspirational classic movie figures that have helped me get through some trying times!

6) I am thankful that Hurrell hair can turn into 50s rockabilly grrrl hair the next day. Observe:

Grrr! You can’t see the rest of my outfit here, but I had floral print jeans and brown boots on that day. Total 50s biker girl. Also, I was pretty sure I was listening to Queen that day.

7) I am thankful for my nutty family and my crazy lovable li’l sis who makes me laugh hysterically and never fails to brighten my day with her unbelievable shenanigans.

8) I am thankful for my friends, who always support me, make fun of me (in a good way!), help me, and make me feel better when I’m blue. When you have friends who always encourage you to believe you are loved and you are beautiful inside and out, you know you did something right

9) I am thankful for my classic movie posters and my classic movie calendars.

10) I am thankful for TCM and Robert Osborne who is a beautiful beautiful man.

11) I am thankful for New York City, because it is gorgeous and exciting and it offers so much vintage, Art Deco, and classic film things to enjoy, and that New York is a city that encourages you to be different.

12) I am thankful for my blog which allows me to express my feelings and gives me a place to just be myself.

13) I am thankful for all that I have. After this hurricane, I’ve realized just how important every little thing is, and how lucky I am.

14) Last but DEFINITELY not least, I am thankful for you guys! My readers are the best! You are all awesome! If it weren’t for your support I would still be the shy, quiet girl I was two years ago when I started this blog. Thanks for giving me confidence and advice and encouragement every step of the way! You’re all #1!

I hope you all enjoyed this list, and if you would like to share the things you are thankful for, you are more than welcome! I hope you all ate (or will eat) lots of turkey!

Liebster Award!

Margaret Perry over at http://thegreatkh.blogspot.co.uk/ has given me a Liebster Award! YAY! The Liebster is given to up-and-coming blogs of 200 followers or less. If you are reading this, Margaret, thank you so much for the honor! So, if you receive a Liebster Award, you must share eleven facts about yourself, answer eleven questions from the blogger who awarded you, and award eleven bloggers of your choice! Here we go:

Eleven Facts About Moi:

1. All of my fingers are double-jointed. I’m like some sort of weird finger contortionist.

2. I’m a voracious reader. My all-time favorite book is Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.

3. I think peacocks are the most beautiful, fabulous animals in the entire world.

4. My biggest goal is to travel the world. I hope to study abroad for winter intercession next year in either England, France, or Australia!

5. I’ve always loved cartoons, and I still do! My favorites were (and still are) Tom and Jerry, Merrie Melodies, Mickey Mouse, and Looney Tunes. I also love the classic Disney films.

6. I confess I have a strange fascination with the occult and the unknown. I love learning about that stuff.

7. The things I notice first in a guy are his eyes (I love light-colored eyes, blue being my favorite) and his smile.

8. I was originally left-handed, but I was forced to switch to right.

9. My favorite fruit is the clementine, which is quite unfortunate since they’re in season only during the winter

10. My favorite band is Queen. Queen has gotten me through a lot of difficulties!

11. All my clothes have to: 1) have a vintage flair 2) have at least a dash of sparkle. My latest purchase was a black velvet dress with a gold glitter star pattern from Topshop. It sparkles more than the sun or the stars. Best shopping decision I’ve ever made!

Margaret’s Questions:

If you could matchmake two of your favorite stars, who would be your OTP?
Hmmm…so many possibilities come to mind! But I think my OTP (one true pair) would be Myrna Loy and William Powell. Every time I watch them in a film I find myself begging them to get married and have babies already. Or Jean Harlow and Clark Gable, those two make sparks on the screen!

What classic movie would you like to see remade?
None. Modern remakes have a funny way of messing up beloved originals.

What is your favorite film genre, and what are your three favorite films in that genre?
My favorite film genre is the screwball comedy! My favorite screwballs are It Happened One Night, Arsenic and Old Lace, and To Be Or Not To Be.

You have the opportunity to share one classic film with a theatre full of your friends. Which film do you choose?
Gone with the Wind, most definitely!

What one actor/actress do you love so much, you would see a film simply because they are in it?
Clark Gable! I’ve sat through some really shitty films (LIKE THE PAINTED DESERT) just to look at Gabe’s perfect face.

What/who is your favorite animal character from a movie?
I love Asta from The Thin Man series. That dog is such a boss.

What years do you consider to define the era of “classic movies”?
This is a great, hotly disputed question, and as Margaret implies, the answer varies from person to person. I personally consider the classic movie era to be from around 1905-ish to 1960.

Astaire or Kelly? Audrey or Katherine? Bette or Joan? Olivia de Havilland or Joan Fontaine? Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin?
Astaire or Kelly: love them both with all my heart and soul, but I think I will go with Kelly here. It was a close shave, though!
Audrey or Katharine: Easy. Kate the Great of course! I might get crucified for this, but I CAN’T STAND Audrey Hepburn. The most overrated actress who ever lived, if you ask me.
Bette or Joan: I love Bette, but Joan wins this. Sorry Bette, but Joan is my homeslice for life.
Olivia de Havilland or Joan Fontaine: Livvy is my fave sister. She’s an amazing talent and a delight to watch on the screen. From what I’ve seen of Joan Fontaine’s work, she seems a lot more…forced…than her sister. Just look at the faces she makes in Rebecca and you’ll see what I mean.

Who is your favorite Barrymore?
My fave Barrymore is definitely Lionel. He’s like an old cuddly teddy bear! Who seriously knows how to act.

What is your favorite silent movie? Who is your favorite silent movie star?
Oh geez, this is a toughie. I’m gonna bend the rules here and give two favorite silent movies: Metropolis and The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari. I’m gonna bend the rules again with my favorite silent stars: Clara Bow and Rudolph Valentino.

If you could spend one day with your favorite star, who would it be and what would you do?
I’d spend the day with the lovely Clark Gable and we would tour Hollywood together and visit all of his favorite places there

Now I shall award eleven of my favorite blogs (that meet the qualifications) for a Liebster Award! You guys have to list eleven facts about yourself, answer the eleven questions I give you, and award eleven other blogs with the Award! Congratulations to:

All Good Things http://poohtiger-allgoodthings.blogspot.com/

Classicfilmboy’s Movie Paradise http://www.classicfilmboy.com/

Dear Old Hollywood http://dearoldhollywood.blogspot.com/

Deep Glamour http://deepglamour.net/

Critica Retro http://criticaretro.blogspot.com/

Gone with the Wind Fansite http://gwtwfansite.weebly.com/

Marlene Dietrich Collection http://marlene-dietrichcollection.blogspot.fr/

The Hollywood Revue http://hollywoodrevue.wordpress.com/

Alexander’s Sanctuary http://alexandersanctuary.wordpress.com/

The Kitty Packard Pictorial http://kittypackard.com/

Old Hollywood Glamour http://oldhollywoodglamour.blogspot.com/

My Questions:

1. If you could have a dinner party with seven classic film stars, who would they be?

2. Who is your favorite classic movie director?

3. Who is your favorite most-underrated actor?

4. Have you ever watched a film in which you had NO IDEA what was going on?

5. Who is your favorite Hollywood costume designer?

6. Who is an actor/actress that you would take out of one film and put into a different one?

7. Do you mix up any classic movie actors/actresses.

8. Favorite movie musical?

9. Have you hated an actor/actress whom you now love?

10. What is your favorite performance that was overlooked by an Oscar?

11. What is your most-quoted film?

And if you don’t have a blog and just want to answer the questions, please feel free to do so in the comments! X

Odds N’ Ends

Howdy loves!

I’m gonna be quite busy for the rest of the week, so you might notice a lack of posts until the weekend. But on the bright side, it’s my last midterm tomorrow (FINALLY!), but I will still be a bit busy afterwards because now I WORK! Yaaaaayyyyyyy! My new job is the COOLEST! I work at a bookstore in Soho, which is nearby all this awesome shopping, including this little store for rare/vintage and handmade perfumes right across the street (FIST. PUMP!). And guess what? The bookstore is letting me specifically curate their Film/Theatre and Art sections! AWWWWW YYYYEEAAAHHHHH! I’m also actively participating in donating my old or unused clothes and other necessities to Hurricane Sandy victims, which is taking time from schedule as well, but is extremely rewarding   I also voted for the first time in my life today, and it felt GREAT! I even got a little voting bracelet that I’m gonna wear forever (or until it gets so old that it turns to dust). The entire process was only five minutes, but it was the most triumphant five minutes of my life! Another UNBELIEVABLE thing that has happened to me recently is that one of my favorite actors from the show “Sleep No More” (which I blogged about in July) has invited me PERSONALLY to attend the launch of the new music video for his rock band!!!! I was literally jumping for joy! It’s not every day that a girl’s actor crush (who happens to be a down-to-earth, well-respected total sweetheart) notices her like this!

I probably won’t be able to write a post until Friday night, but I promise you it will be a good one! I have also read all your comments, but I won’t be able to answer them until Friday as well. Sorry for the delay, but I just want to get these stressful exams out of the way first. To Meral: I haven’t been able to get on my computer yesterday to change my birthday setting, but I did now, and it has Vivien Leigh’s beautiful face right there, with one my favorite photos of her! Please forgive me for the delay. Better late than never! Love you! India: Best of luck on your surgery darling! Keeping you in my thought and prayers always. You’ve helped me through some difficult times, and I will do everything I can to help you back much love!

New York may be getting another storm on Wednesday, but it won’t dampen my spirits! I haven’t been this happy in ages! Remember to always look on the bright side, my lovely readers. Things can happen that make life seem bleak, but as Charlie Chaplin said in City Lights: “The sun will shine and the birds will sing.”

IIIIIIIIIIT’S VOTING TIME!

To all my East Coast readers, I hope you are all recovering well from Sandy. It’s so jarring to be hit with something so devastating so close to home. Living in New York, the most un-tropical place in the world, I never imagined a hurricane of this magnitude affecting us. Several of my friends’ homes burned to the ground and my sister’s friend’s mother passed away in the storm. If the hurricane hasn’t affected you (thankfully) please don’t forget to help and donate as much as you can! There are so many with nothing! Thank you xx.

VOTING TIME, MY FRIENDS, IS UPON US!

ONLY TWO MORE DAYS.

I am beyond excited to be voting for my very first time. I don’t usually talk politics, but I would like to mention that I am going to be voting Obama. I am quite liberal in my views, and I don’t want to set the #1 country in the world back to the Stone Age by voting Romney.

However, if this were an option, this is where my vote would definitely go:

Who WOULDN’T support Tracy for Prez? If he were running for office, I would think this would be the first unanimous vote ever…everyone would vote Tracy. I am fully confident that the job of leading the most powerful country in the world should fall in his hands.

However, Spencer Tracy is dead and can’t run for President :””””””’(

So I’ll have to make do with Obama instead.

Happy Voting on Tuesday, folks!

Mustaches For Movember!

Note: President Obama has declared New York City a Major Disaster Area. Please continue to keep New York and the rest of the East Coast in your thoughts and prayers! Xx

November is one of my favorite months of the year. It is the beginning of cold weather, with Thanksgiving and Black Friday it marks the beginning of the holiday season (my favorite time of the year), and it is also known as Movember. During November of each year, men are encouraged to grow lovely, elegant mustaches in order to raise awareness for men’s health issues such as prostate cancer and testicular cancer.

So to all the boys out there, MAKE LIKE THE CLASSICS AND GROW THEM PENCIL ‘STACHES!

Mustaches are awesome because:
1) They can accent an otherwise boring face
2) They give your face a focus
3) They are a badge of masculinity
4) They automatically make you look suave, urbane, and sophisticated
5) Everyone loves a man who can flaunt a ‘stache

I sure do love it when a man has some tasteful facial hair, so Movember is a really exciting time of the year for me. Random fact: my ex-boyfriend wasn’t able to grow facial hair. But that’s because he wasn’t a real man. Or a real human being. He was more like a living, breathing, walking asshole. Anyway, for all the real men out there, here are some classic movie mustaches to inspire you this Movember!

Errol Flynn, one of the most beautiful men to ever come from The Land Down Under.

Claude Rains is an example of point #1: an otherwise plain face made memorable by a mustache.

Without his mustache, Orson Welles looked like a nice, clean schoolboy.

Be wary of the Chaplin ‘stache. He is a perfect specimen of humanity, yes, but growing his facial hair would get you Hitler remarks instead. It sucks when a terrible man ruins the image of a very innocent thing.

Ronald Colman’s mustache gave his face a focus. It also made him look like a swashbucking heartthrob to rival Flynn.

David Niven was cool without the mustache. But the mustache made him cooler than anyone else. This is my favorite picture of him, by the way.

William Powell is one of my favorite mustachioed men. I’ve seen photos of him without his facial article and I couldn’t even recognize him!

Last but not least, the Crowning Glory of All Facial Hair: Clark Gable’s Mustache. At first, Gable wasn’t too enthusiastic about his ‘stache (he had to grow it for a film) but after the unexpected success of It Happened One Night he kept it for the rest of his career because he saw it as his good-luck charm. His mustache has become an iconic trademark. It has been the fantasy of women for ages. It has sparked a fierce, decades-long debate. It has made facial hair cool forever. It even has its own fan page on Facebook. One of history’s greatest mustaches right here.

So here we are, boys! Hope you have been inspired to grow your own epic mustache this Movember!

Hurricane Sandy Update

Hello my lovelies,

As you’ve probably heard, Hurricane Sandy has terribly impacted us here in New York. Power has been out for millions and there has been flooding in the streets and in homes.

The MTA is still completely shut down and even some bridges have closed. The New York City skyline looks so sad without all of its bright lights :’(

I am so thankful to say that I still have power and apart from minor leaks and the loss of cell phone service and WiFi, my family and I are okay. However, I’m not going to be able to blog until my Internet service returns (right now I’m connected to a faulty free public WiFi and I’m not sure if I will even be able to post this because the connection is that bad).

However, not everyone was as lucky as I was. Areas such as The Rockaways, Howard Beach, and Breezy Point have been totally devastated and destroyed by the hurricane. Fires in Breezy Point have destroyed approximately 100 homes and the death toll nationwide has risen to 40.

I ask you all to keep the East Coast, especially those in The Rockaways, Howard Beach, and Breezy Point who have lost homes and loved ones, in your thoughts and prayers. If you have been severely impacted by the hurricane, please seek shelter and relief. If possible, do what you can to help those who need it. New Yorkers are the strongest most determined people in the world, and nothing can ever take us down! We always band together like a giant family of 8 million people in times of crisis, and we can overcome anything

“Classic Queen”

Hello all! This might be my last post for a little while…as you might have heard, Hurricane Sandy might ravage the Eastern coast starting from tonight and until Tuesday. We’re gonna get the works here: gale-force winds, torrential rains, flooding, and power outages for up to a week. Even the MTA has completely shut down. Since when has the Northeast become Hurricane Central? Anyway, stock up, stay inside, and stay safe for these next several days!

Now, on with the post!

I have a very multi-varied taste in music. I listen to pretty much anything save for country music and “Call Me Maybe”-style pop music, which I DESPISE. I don’t even know how “Gangnam Style” goes, nor do I really want to know.

My favorite genres of music are jazz, big band, and swing. However, my all-time favorite band doesn’t come from that time period at all. I’m talking about Queen.

In case you live under a rock and don’t know: Queen was an amazingly awesome and fabulous British rock band that was formed in 1971. The members of Queen were John Deacon (guitar and bass), Roger Taylor (drums), Brian May (guitar), and last but definitely not least, Freddie Mercury (vocals, piano). The band is responsible for all those amazing songs you know and love, such as “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “We Will Rock You,” “Don’t Stop Me Now,” “Killer Queen,” “Another One Bites the Dust,” “We Are the Champions,” and many, many more. The band fell apart after Mercury’s life was cut short at age 45 from pneumonia brought upon by AIDS. However, Mercury’s death did not spell the end for Queen. Queen has spent more time on Billboard’s Hot 200 List more than any other band in history (even more than the stupid fuckin overrated Beatles) and is widely considered the greatest band that ever existed. Ever. Fuck Justin Beiber and Taylor Swift, Queen still sells millions of more albums today (over 3o0 million to be exact). Who DOESN’T love Queen!? And if you are terrible, horrible, and evil enough to dislike this band, then I don’t want to know you ever. And neither does anyone else on this planet.

See this man right here? Freddie Mercury is one of the greatest loves of my life. You might be thinking, “but he was hairy and he had those crazy teeth and he was gay!” But those things don’t even matter. This man is awesomesauce as fuck. He is one of the few human beings that is universally respected. Even by the Internet, and the Internet rarely respects anyone. Freddie transcends all our worldly conceptions of what is “good” and “perfect.” He pretty much redefined music and blew the world’s collective mind with his genius. Freddie Mercury is The Rock God.

Now you must be thinking, “What in the world does Queen have to do with classic film?” Trust me, it has a lot to do with it. I relate everything to classic film. I don’t know if this is true, but I think that Freddie Mercury was in fact a classic movie fan. Freddie had plenty of creative license in the band. He was very focused and a dedicated worker, writing all of the Queen hits we know and love, designing the famous Queen logo (he was a talented artist, something not widely known about him), writing and arranging the music of each song, and envisioning Queen’s music videos. If you study Queen’s ouvre, you will notice a lot of classic film references. Here are some of my favorites:

“Under Pressure” (1981)
“Under Pressure” is one of my favorite Queen songs. Come tough times and exam times (I can’t think of a more fitting song than this one when I’m having midterms and finals) this is the song I blast. A collaboration with David Bowie, this song is about our culture that is willing to overthrow political machines and the pressure that has come about all over the world due to the fast-paced, workaholic lives we lead. The cure to all this? Love. “Under Pressure”‘s music video contained neither Freddie Mercury nor David Bowie because both were on tour. However, it contained lots of classic film references:

Queen seemed to be particularly fascinated by the silent horror films of the 1920s. From top to bottom we have John Barrymore’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde from 1920, Nosferatu (1922), and Fredric March’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde from 1931 (which isn’t a silent movie). The monsters show up in the beginning of the music video to symbolize the evil and corruption in the world.

I may be wrong, but I believe this scene is from the Russian silent film Battleship Potemkin (1925), which is most famous for that scene in which a man gets his glasses smashed…creaming his eye in the process.

The next classic movie reference we see in the “Under Pressure” music video is the famous sequence from Nosferatu is which Nosferatu appears to a terrified Hutter during the night. (Fun fact that everyone from my generation knows: The first of these three photos from the film also appears in an episode of Spongebob. Just sayin’).

My favorite lines from “Under Pressure” are: “‘Cause love’s such an old-fashioned world/And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night/And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves/This is our last dance/This is our last dance/This is ourselves.” Such beautiful lyrics! To show that love conquers all, the music video then has a montage of silent movie kisses…none of which I can identify :’( If you recognize any of the kisses above, please tell me!

Our last “Under Pressure” classic film reference is with the smiling Rudolph Valentino! This scene is from The Eagle (1925). Here he was smiling at Vilma Banky.

Watch the music video for yourself here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a01QQZyl-_I

Radio GaGa (1984)
“Radio Gaga” is also chock-full of classic film references. It’s also my favorite Queen music video. The song, which is about television’s takeover of radio and a critique of the subsequent commercialization of radio (something we unfortunately still have today), references two major radio events: Orson Welles’ famous (or infamous) broadcast of War of the Worlds (“You gave them all those old-time stars/Through wars of worlds invaded by Mars”) and Winston Churchill’s “This was Their Finest Hour” speech from 1940 (“You’ve yet to have your finest hour”)

However, the biggest and most obvious classic movie reference in the “Radio GaGa” music video is to Metropolis (1927), Fritz Lang’s classic futuristic film. In order to use clips from the film, Queen had to buy the rights to the film from the Communist government of East Germany. In exchange for the film rights, Queen allowed their hit “Love Kills” to be used in the Giorgio Mororder restoration of the film.

The music video opens with establishing shots from Metropolis:

Shots of the machinery from the film.

That really weird clock that only goes up to ten.

The workers of the Metropolis

Workers doin’ their thing

More shots of the Metropolis.

There were also several scenes in which the band looked like as though they were in the film itself. The picture is grainy black and white, and they drive around the Metropolis in a futuristic little car controlled by a lever.

My favorite part of the music video is when Freddie Mercury recreates the famous clock scene in which a worker is driven to exhaustion from moving the clock hands around all day long. But of course, Freddie’s clock is big and golden and not the weird one that goes up to ten and he NEVER gets tired. He makes something as silly as moving the hands of a clock look awesome. I especially love how the rest of Queen is standing there like a boss while Freddie works the clock. Also, Freddie’s ass looks divine in those black leather pants.

The music video also had some recreations of the Metropolis set.

Next we have the super-famous scene in which The Inventor creates an evil robot replica of the film’s heroine, Maria.

Then Freddie’s face is superimposed on Maria the Robot’s for a kinda freaky scene in the music video

Lastly, we see the finale of Metropolis, when the entire oppressive city is flooded and destroyed and all are freed.

Freddie helps to contribute to the destruction of the Metropolis by breaking a building in half just by lifting his arms and looking triumphant. Which is actually something very plausible for someone whose awesomeness is as high as Freddie’s. What a boss.

Watch the music video for yourself here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t63_HRwdAgk

Other Classic Film References Used By Queen
Two of Queen’s albums: “A Night at the Opera” and “A Day at the Races” are named after two Marx Brothers films from 1935 and 1937, respectively. Love those films and love those albums!

The artwork for Queen’s 1977 album “News of the World” also seems to be inspired by Metropolis or vintage sci-fi in general. The story goes that Roger Taylor had an issue of Astounding Science Fiction depicting a robot holding a dead man. This cover inspired the band to have the image revised to contain the robot holding the “dead” bodies of the four band members.

So why are you still sitting here reading this? Go listen to some Queen!