The Top Ten Sexiest Clark Gable Films
It’s Christmas Eve wootwoot!!!
Here’s our treat to you, my wonderful readers: the rundown on Clark Gable’s sexiest films! Whenever you need something good to look at after a day of horror, pop one of these into the DVD player, or make a search on youtube. Consider this the greatest Christmas present you’ll get this year.
Just a note: I personally think Clark is sexy in ALL his films. But there are some performances that I just can’t forget…
GONE WITH THE WIND (1939): Come on! Rhett Butler is the sexiest male character ever created! Every Windie knows that the censors were all over that movie like a duck on a junebug (to borrow a Rhett quote!). But his cat-like grace, his smooth careless mannerisms, his heavy muscles, the naughty gleam in his eye, and the dimples in his cheeks scream SEXY! And what’s sexier than being the first man to utter an expletive in the history of film? Just look into his eyes, it’s all there!
IDIOT’S DELIGHT (1939): In this film, you’ve got an extremely handsome man with an electric personality and a wonderful brain. He forms a band with six blondes, performs in an all-male chorus and in a routine with a midget, plays everything from jazz standards to solemn hymns on a piano, reads minds, gets trampled by a crowd, breaks the top off his hat, and makes Native American noises on the top of his lungs. But it doesn’t get better than performing “Puttin’ on the Ritz” with all two minutes of the actual song and the encore performance devoted to showing off his perfect pelvic thrust. He-man King of Hollywood throwing around his 6’1″, 190 pounds for two hours? You know it’ll be sexy! It’ll be unforgettable! And I’ll be there!
STRANGE CARGO (1940): The first three minutes of that film are burned into my mind as though a red-hot poker impressed them there FOREVER. A musty jail cell…the barred door opens…and out walks Clark Gable, covered in filth, wearing a ripped shirt, his hair a mess, growing a beard. My heart stopped beating and lungs stopped breathing. These girls today think Taylor Laughtner (I can’t even spell his friggn name for Pete’s sake) is sexy!? They need to learn a thing or two from Strange Cargo. His role here is very different (this is an allegorical film) and quite out of the ordinary for his image and the types of roles he was usually given. Clark showing off his talents as an actor? Very sexy.
A FREE SOUL (1931): Even though Clark’s character has a funny name (Ace Wilfong!) he romanced Norma Shearer and made her swoon with his debonair attitude in 3,2,1. And then he beat her up. Because you see, there is something sexy about a man who can slug just as easily as he can love. This is the film that shot Clark up to superstardom, because he redefined what it meant to be a man. Women no longer wanted thin, mellow, effeminate types. They wanted BIG! BOLD! BROAD! They wanted electricity and charisma! They wanted SEXY! They wanted GABLE! And by the way, any man who beats up Norma Shearer is good enough for me!
LAUGHING SINNERS (1931): No, you read it right. I wrote laughing Sinners. Here, Clark Gable is a good-hearted, charitable soul who works for the Salvation Army. A FAAAR cry from the lovely troublemakers he usually plays. And not only is he kind and good, but he’s funny, helpful, and patient. And tall and young and handsome with a wardrobe full to bursting of extremely tight, two-sizes-too-small white button-downs. A man who looks like a bad boy but is actually a good boy? very sexy indeed. The Salvation Army never looked so good.
NIGHT NURSE (1931): Clark Gable appeared in this film for approximately five minutes. probably less. And yet there probably has never been a stronger performance by any novice actor to date. Gable plays Nick…THE CHAUFFEUR! But don’t be fooled by the retarded name! Nick…THE CHAUFFEUR is a truly evil man who plots to kill two little girls so can get his big paws on their giant fortune. But this doesn’t get past their nurse, barbara Stanwyck! Gable played this role without any direction, so it’s all him! Gable’s evil manner came off as sexy in a bad-boy way. Weird but true, The dude can’t help it, I guess. And once more, he beat up another innocent–this time Barbara Stanwyck. 1931 was obviously th year of the old-fashioned slug.
IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934): Nothing’s more attractive than a man who is both smart and adorable! That’s exactly what Clark is in It Happened One Night! He’s got a brain behind that face of his (to borrow a quote!) He teaches you a lot, including how to properly dunk a donut, how a man undresses, how to get rid of annoying people, how to hitchhike (actually Claudette Colbert teaches that!), how to score hot gossip, how to steal a car, and much much more. In the film, he dreams of writing a book more than once, and I can’t help but wish he had. There’s no way you can hate him in this film! Smart, funny, witty, adorable, and sexy without knowing it? Clark is attractive in that schoolboy way, because not only is he funny, he is charming and handsome. By the end, you will be dying to go to that island with him!
MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935): A bunch of 18th century men at sea…a cruel captain endlessly tormenting…an escape to the island paradise of Tahiti…and suddenly a dashing mutineer rises up and declares freedom and equality FOREVERRRR! That my dears, is Mutiny on the Bounty in a nutshell. Clark as kind-hearted mutineer Fletcher Christian gives one of his sexiest performances. His entire wardrobe is comprised of tights, breeches, and tight white shirts that show off his heavily muscled abdomen. You may think it sounds effeminate, but you’ll do a 360 when you see how masculine he makes it look! And men who cry out against injustice are mucho sexy. His cause and his arguments will move you. The blatant exploitation of his body will make you swoon. And the thick, luscious, shiny waves of his hair will give you heart palpitations. This film should’ve come with a warning: MAY LAND SOME VIEWERS IN THE HOSPITAL.
RED DUST (1932): yeah people, a lot of STUFF happens in Red Dust. This film has been named the sexiest film of both Gable’s and Harlow’s careers, so of course it has to be on this list! And honestly, what’s sexier than Clark sweating like a friggin bull in the middle of the jungles of Indochina? You know a man is truly sexy when he looks just as good covered in sweat and dirt 95% of the time. Seriously, I don’t know when’s the last time he hopped into a shower in this film, but it doesn’t matter, he looks wonderful that way. As a matter of fact, he looks so amazing, he attracts both bad girl Jean Harlow and good married girl Mary Astor. One of the sexiest movie scenes ever? The Clark Gable/Mary Astor makeout in the rain amongst the trees. That shot actually graces the cover of TCM’s Movie Kisses cards, so you know it’s something special.
THE CALL OF THE WILD (1935): This is easily Gable’s hairiest film. And yet, it is very sexy. What’s better than Clark wearing a fur coat and sporting a fantastic stubbly beard? Absolutely nothing. If I had a choice of a) going to heaven or b) rubbing Clark’s amazing stubble for five minutes, I’d choose b in a heartbeat. And it’d very sexy to see Clark bond with his dog over Loretta Young (who, by the way, he got pregnant during shooting, which is saying something, since she was Hollywood’s only goody-two-shoes). Clark looks amazing in this movie. there’s no other way to describe him. It’s getting to a point where Jean is starting to get really pissed at me swooning over him all the time.
LONG LIVE THE KING OF SEXY!!!
Happy Holidays from your favorite Dames!