If Classic Hollywood Were To Sign My Yearbook…
Us seniors got our yearbooks last Wednesday, and since then, it’s been nothing but yearbook MANIA. Everyone is scrambling for signatures, passing the book around to friends, running after teachers with pens in hand, allotting valuable page space among people (empty front and back pages for close friends, divide these pages among the close friends, everyone else can sign by their photo in the book, so on and so forth). Of course, there’s also the frustration of what to write and where to begin writing. There’s also the dread of someone you really don’t know well asking you to sign their book, and you’d have to end up writing some weak, obviously fake, generic message to them (“I’m glad we got to know each other! Good luck in college!”). An ex-friend of mine (she’s a SEVERE NUTCASE and as soon as I found out, I dumped her faster than a hot potato, and you have no idea how much I was made to look like the bitch after that!) asked me to sign her yearbook. To my inner satisfaction, I was probably the second person to sign. I told her to be happy in life (she’s faking being depressed about everything. Sorry for the amount of parentheses in this post).
But what if I was lucky enough to go to school with Classic Hollywood? What would they have to say to me? Look no further!
Marion Davies:
Hooray for having big beaver teeth like me girl! Go us!
Sincerely, Marion
Loretta Young:
Clark knocked me up so take THAT!
–Loretta
Cary Grant:
So…wanna go out for dinner at a five-star restaurant tonight? Just kidding! And please stop laughing hysterically at me when I trip/fall on my butt/make pigeon-like motions with my head/get constantly confused and baffled by what’s going on around me.
Love Always,
Cary
Tallulah Bankhead:
DAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-LIIIIINNNNGGGG! Best in luck with everything you do dahling, but dahling, you ain’t ever gonna be better than me dahling!
Your dahling friend,
Tallu (DAHLING) (DUH)
Lana Turner:
You’re butt-ugly! What else can I say, being a blonde bitch?
Love,
Lana (MWAH)
Jimmy Durante:
So…wanna go out for dinner at a five-star restaurant tonight? You get full access to my schnozz!
Love,
Schnozz Durante
Julie Andrews:
THE HIIIIILLLLLLLSSS ARRRRRRREEEEE ALLLIIIIIIVVVVVEEEE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUSSSIIICCC! Please stop calling me “Judy” Andrews. MY NAME’S FRIGGIN JULIE, GET WITH IT GIRL!
With Kindest Regards,
JULIE Andrews
Jack Benny:
I’m so glad we are friends! I’m not the only cheapskate who badly plays an instrument!
From Your Pal,
Jack Benny
John Barrymore:
Admire the profile! Wanna go out for a drink? Don’t worry about getting a fake ID!
See Ya!
John B.
Robert Young:
Thank you for tormenting me with duck jokes you meanie!
From,
Robert “Quack” Young
Zeppo Marx:
I AM THE FUNNIEST MARX BROTHER! Just wait and see!
Sincerely,
Zeppo
William Frawley:
I am in love with our friendship! Who else says “MONEY!” instead of “CHEESE!” when we take pictures??
Love,
Bill
Franchot Tone:
I’m glad you are one of the few who appreciate my brand of humor and acknowledges my talent…even though you often say I look like a turtle.
Love,
Tone
Desi Arnaz:
BABALU! BAAAABAAALLLUUUU! Keep on Babalu-ing, amiga!
~~Desiderio (I know you have an obsession with my full name)
Jean Harlow:
Congratulations to the Queen of Sheba! You, like me, can throw a swell left!
Love Always,
Baby
Chico Marx:
YOU NEED SOME PIANO LESSONS STAT.
Love, Chico
Joan Crawford:
We’re two of a kind! But I’m the prettier, thinner one!
Best Wishes,
JOAN!!!!
Freddie Bartholomew:
Your accent, loud voice, fast way of speaking, sprinkling of your speech with disgusting swearwords, and tendency to make rude noises while conversing are shameful to the integrity of the English Language. I, a mere child, can speak with better diction than you ever will in your entire lifetime. Please try to make an effort to see me sometime this summer so I can attempt to alleviate your situation.
Sincerely,
Mr. Freddie Bartholomew
Wallace Beery:
So we share birthdays! How about I eradicate you off the face of the earth so I can be the only one eh?
–Wallie
Marlon Brando:
You’re just jealous of my mumbling voice and brooding persona, so stop making fun of it! And you have to admit, I was cool as Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls!
Lovealwaysmarlonbrando
Leslie Howard:
HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU I DO NOT LOOK CONSTIPATED THROUGHOUT GWTW! I hope you will become blinded by my shiny golden locks!
From, Lels
Bette Davis:
So you think you have big eyes huh?
~~Bette
Spencer Tracy:
Thank you for always hoping that someday I will get the girl over Clark Gable.
From,
Spence
Charlie Chaplin:
Voules-vouz le taximeter?
Love,
C Chaps
Shirley Temple:
I AM NOT EVIL.
–Shirley
Rudolph Valentino:
I hope you someday find your very own pale hands by the Shalimar. Stop making fun of my thick Italian accent and my incredibly long name. I know it’s sexy, but please contain yourself.
Love,
Rudy Guglielmi
Gary Cooper:
Yep.
Coop.
Fred Astaire:
The only time you ever showed any promise in dance is when you badly needed to use the restroom.
With Love,
Fred
Katharine Hepburn:
I’m very happy for you really I am.
~Heppy
Jimmy Stewart:
Aww, I dunno what to say…ummm…aw gawsh!
Uh,
Jimmy
Laurence Olivier:
IFIWASN’TSUCHAPOMPOUSSUCCESSFULSTAGEACTORIWOULDCONGRATULATEYOUBUTSINCEI’VEDONE
GREATERTHINGSTHANGRADUATEHIGHSCHOOLIDON’T SEETHATYOUREALLYDESERVEIT.
Sir Laurence Olivier
Al Jolson:
Aww baby, you should be sittin’ on top of the world!
Your Pal,
Al (which rhymes. New song!)
Marilyn Monroe:
Gentlemen prefer blondes!
Love,
Marilyn
Rosalind Russell:
I thoroughly enjoy terrorizing everyone with our caustic remarks!
Love Always,
Roz
Errol Flynn:
Why do all of your tights look strangely like mine?
From,
Errol Flynn (aka In Like Flynn…please stop randomly saying that)
Peter Lorre:
I’VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL BUBBLE SINCE I WAS A CHILD! You can imitate my voice so well it even creeps ME out!
~~Peter Lorre
PS: I LIKE MONEY!
Charles Laughton:
Please excuse me while I count my cocoanuts
-Charles
Louis B Mayer:
There’s room for only one tyrant around here!
From, LB
Barbara Stanwyck:
Fellow Brooklyn dames!!!
Love,
Babs
William Powell:
Please remove this monstrosity of a yearbook away from me! By the way, I still can’t get rid of the botanical freak from Life With Father.
Love,
Bill Powell
Myrna Loy:
Please stop playing with my nose and calling me Myrna Boy! I’m not a boy!
Sincerely,
Myrna
Robert Taylor:
I did NOT steal my cable-knit sweaters from Clark Gable!!!
-Rob
Lucille Ball:
We have so many inside jokes! From, “a little bit of laryngitis baby” to “I got the gobloots from the booshoo bird?” I never fail to bust your lungs!
Love, Lucy
Norma Shearer:
JUNGLE RED!!!!
Sincerely, Norma
Mae West:
Come up and see me sometime! Oh wait, you’re a girl, not a sexy muscleman.
XOXO Mae
Gene Kelly:
You’ll be “singin’ in the rain” at your prom tomorrow!
Gene
Ruby Keeler:
Every time you sing “42nd Street” I have a brain aneurysm
Love, Ruby K.
Greta Garbo:
OOOOWWWWWWWCCCCCCHHHHH.
~Garbo
Mickey Rooney:
Stop offering me your retainer!
From, Mickey
Groucho Marx:
Women should be obscene and not heard.
From, Groucho
Carole Lombard:
May I have my name back?
Love,
The Real Carole
Humphrey Bogart:
Here’s NOT looking at you, kid
-Humphrey
Vivien Leigh:
Great balls of fire! Stop fancying yourself as Scarlett O’Hara! And there are SOME non GWTW movies in which I don’t die!
Kindest Regards,
Viv
Grace Kelly:
Please tell them to stop comparing Kate Middleton to me.
Love,
Grace
Harpo Marx:
(love, Harpo)
Clark Gable:
You are a very nice girl. Now stop stalking me and get a life.
Love Always,
Gabe
This entry was posted on May 17, 2011 by Carole Irene. It was filed under Actors, Actresses, Carole Lombard, Cary Grant, Charlie Chaplin, Clark Gable, Classic Films, Franchot Tone, Fred Astaire, Gary Cooper, Golden Age Humor, Gone with the Wind, Greta Garbo, Jean Harlow, Jimmy Stewart, Joan Crawford, Katharine Hepburn, Lana Turner, Laurence Olivier, Leslie Howard, Lucille Ball, Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Marion Davies, Mickey Rooney, Myrna Loy, Norma Shearer, Rosalind Russell, Rudolph Valentino, Spencer Tracy, The Marx Brothers, Vivien Leigh, William Powell and was tagged with by Carole Irene.
Carole Irene
Baby Jean
I. Love. It. Especially the “Yep. Coop” one :’D
May 19, 2011 at 3:18 am
*blushes furiously* thank vyou love. Glad to have given you a laugh!
May 19, 2011 at 10:24 am
Most of them made me chuckle or at least beam!
May 19, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Yay!
May 19, 2011 at 9:56 pm
I would love to write in your yearbook
May 20, 2011 at 10:04 pm
I know! But sadly there’s no room anymore
two people literally took a page each for themselves! Which killed half the space.
May 20, 2011 at 10:19 pm
June 2, 2011 at 7:50 am
These are all quite funny.
The Olivier one almost sounds like something from a younger version of him.
Random fact about him: He wouldn’t carry on a conversation with somebody if they didn’t call him Larry. For some reason I find that quite funnt.
And considering the fact that Leslie Howard didn’t even want to do gone with the wind, never read the book, and only learned his lines, I think that would’ve made a funny bit in the yearbook. He only did it wikth the promise that he’d get to produce his next film, which was the breakout role for Ingrid Bergman.
May 21, 2011 at 1:59 am
Both stories are 100% true. Larry was a bit pretentious about that lol.Leslie felt he was too old for his role in GWTW and he didn’t like it at all. The film he produced and starred with beside Bergman was Intermezzo and it was released in 1940.
May 21, 2011 at 3:27 pm
I know lug
or shall I say old man? 
June 2, 2011 at 8:18 am
C.Aubrey
or Nigel Bruce, he’s pretty funny!
June 2, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Oh yes he was Watson in all the Sherlock Holmes films right?
I like Charles Butterworth a lot, though I’m not sure he can be classified as an old man
June 2, 2011 at 10:18 pm
He was indeed
he’s funny when sulking! Charles Butterworth is unfamiliar to me 
June 3, 2011 at 9:16 am
I saw Charles Butterworth in only Forsaking All Others, a rare Gable/Crawford film. He pretty much stole the show from them, and that’s saying something!
June 3, 2011 at 9:32 am
June 3, 2011 at 8:34 pm
No I haven’t, sadly
but it doesn’t matter, tell me all about it!
June 3, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I haven’t seen it :’(
June 4, 2011 at 6:51 am
Then why did you bring it up to begin with?
June 4, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I’d hoped you’d seen it
June 5, 2011 at 8:07 am
I’ll try to find it and watch it for you
June 5, 2011 at 8:45 am
June 5, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Is there something you wanted to know about it?
June 5, 2011 at 11:59 pm
Just your opinion on the final shootout and how gory it is!
June 6, 2011 at 8:27 am
You’re asking the wrong person when it comes to gore, but I’ll watch it anyway and tell you
June 6, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Darling! <3
June 8, 2011 at 9:05 am
I didn’t see the film, but I found a clip of the ending on youtube! So, the final shootout isn’t gory at all. It’s quite funny and poignant at the same time. Everyone’s shootin’ the bejesus out of eahc other so there’s gunsmoke everywhere and it looks kinda confusing, and you know that 1930s actors die so funny in their movies so I was cracking up quite badly. Of course, since everyone was shooting, everyone dies, including poor Baby Jean (who was shot by accident). This officer is the last one to die. It’s slow and agonizing, and he ends up dying with a smile on his face, holding someone’s hand. Isn’t that touchy? (HAHAHA UNINTENTIONAL BAD PUN!!!!)
June 8, 2011 at 9:37 am
You didn’t think it was gory by 30s standards? A guy got shot and blood poured from his mouth!
June 8, 2011 at 9:18 pm
It was only for like, two seconds. It was barely anything! And this is coming from someone who gets queasy from blood mind you
June 8, 2011 at 9:51 pm
:’(
June 9, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Well, don’t feel sad. I misunderstood what you said and thought you didn’t see the ending and wanted a blow-by-blow summary instead of an opinion. So I’m the dumb one here honey. As usual
June 9, 2011 at 9:37 pm
No no no no no <3
June 10, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Yes yes yes yes! <3
June 10, 2011 at 7:38 pm
You’re perfect <3
June 12, 2011 at 9:41 pm
No you are! <3
June 12, 2011 at 11:57 pm
Nope, you are!
June 13, 2011 at 9:18 am
You are AAF!
June 13, 2011 at 5:32 pm
AAF?
June 15, 2011 at 1:51 am
Remember? Always and Forever?
June 15, 2011 at 8:20 am
OH! *sweeps off feet and smooches*
June 16, 2011 at 3:17 am
If my feet get tired, would you carry me around?
June 16, 2011 at 9:07 am
Dear CI, received your email and will reply asap. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Be strong and remember that none of those problems will follow you into college. Glad to hear P3 is sticking right, it should ease your troubles if it keeps working.
Stay calm and keep a stiff upper lip
Love,
Mark
June 17, 2011 at 8:52 pm
I’m glad to hear that my love, and thank you so much for all that you do for me. You’re the greatest friend I can ask for, and you are truly the voice of reason. You have the patience of a saint, my dear, and I truly appreciate having you by my side, in my thoughts and through your words. I think you understand my mind as though it were your own
P3 has been wonderful as well. She’s been comforting me and has been trying to get my mind off of it 24/7. She’s done everything, from intervening in my defense to inviting me over her house to play board games. I’m glad she understands me, too. Thank you for being a true friend, my lovely. Yesterday I was actually physically ill from what happened. Then I had a beautiful dream about you last night and suddenly, I began to feel positive and hopeful, and I’m no longer sick. That’s the wonderful effect you have on me 
and that’s the best thing a friend can do 
June 17, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I’ll communicate with you on this post until you give the all clear that they aren’t reading your blog, but I’ll reply to your email also when time permits.
If only I could be with you in person to comfort you through this ordeal. I guess in a way it’s a blessing: you no longer have to pretend to like those coffee-house Jezebels. They know now how you feel, perhaps (if they’re decent human beings, they’ll even think about WHY you have arrived at these feelings and perhaps do a little introspection on their souls and actions in discovering the frankly appalling way they’ve treated you all these years.
Ask yourself this my lamb: would you rather have continued putting up with them and their depravities OR to let them know how you feel about them with one big bang and to not only burn those bridges, but drop an atomic bomb on them?
It’s all very well for me to talk, but I’m not you and I can’t imagine what dreadful snipes they must be taking at you. But remember, if their strength in assaulting you is through words, then you’re armed with a B-52 bomber compared to they with their pointed sticks. I’ve seen the power you have with words Peaches. If push comes to shove, spit those acid remarks at them. Let your mouth be like a Tommy gun and your words like hollow-pointed bullets. Cut ‘em down to size!
I would pray for you my love, but I think I’ll pray for them instead. Not many can withstand a lashing from the razor tongue of the Dizzy Dame!
All my love,
Lug
PS: Remember this epigraph by Jonathan Swift: “When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.”
<3
June 18, 2011 at 9:48 am
I think it’s a great idea my love…I think I should remove the “recent comments” off my sidebar until all clears up, I do not want them to see that I’m talking to you about this, but at the same time, as the days of ignoring and hatred pass, I’m becoming less and less…upset? Caring? You’re my best friend and I can talk to you about whatever I desire, despite their efforts to burn down every single connection I have.
the problem is that they can’t believe that they were wrong. Most of the rant was quite nasty and fueled by anger, yes, but when you get right down to it, its bare bones are nothing but the truth.
and honestly, they can’t beat it, even if they busted their brains out of their heads trying! They don’t dare insult me to my face, the cowards, since they know I can seriously come up with something 176382016201716252 times worse in a split second. I think my tongue should be patented as a weapon of war 
Firstly: ahahaha “coffee house jezebels”!!!
I think at first it’s the most terrible feeling in the world to know that people have turned behind my back and attempted to destroy every single one of my friendships, but after thinking about it, I guess it’s kind of liberating not to always pretend and feel inferior for no reason. I didn’t ever want to go to an all-girls school to begin with, I knew I would have problems, since I’ve never gotten along with the female sex. I got into an exclusive public high school for the arts (I got into the fine arts program) and I really wanted to go there, I knew that people would have similar interests to me there, but my mother forced me to go to this high school instead. I’ve done nothing but regret it ever since. Well, it’s over now, thank the good Lord in Heaven for that. And I agree…it was an atomic bomb to rival those from WWII wasn’t it?
PS: not only is that a beautiful quote (I told you that you have a wonderful memory for quotes!) But it’s also quite true. In history, people who have spoken the truth seemed to have gotten in a hella lot of trouble for it, because the ignorant people of the world couldn’t face it. And it has also inspired the title of your favorite book
June 18, 2011 at 10:51 am
Well they claim to be Catholics don’t they? Just shrug it off and tell them to forgive you! If they practise what they preach, they should! It was Saint Augustine who said “Hate the sin, not the sinner” which is a creed all Christians should live by.
Sometimes it all just bursts. It was the same for me. For ages I was living life as characters just to please others, so I sympathise fully my darling. It takes a huge strain on one’s emotions and soul. I was a wholly loathesome individual because I had no idea who I was, I had spent so much time “in character” as “Mark Glidden” -the Alcoholic, the Revolutionary, the Beatnik, the Flamboyant Eccentric, the Cad, the Comedian- that when I was alone I was almost always depressed to the point of suicide because I had no self outside of how others saw me. But when I rid myself of all those who had enforced a character, I discovered through long periods of introspection that the reason I wasn’t happy was because I was suppressing my real self. And when you’re alone and not dwelling on pleasing others, that’s when the real self shines through. I thank God for coming into my life and bringing about this change, because I’ve never been happier. And then, as if God was showing me a kindred spirit, He brought me to you. As I got to know you better, I realised that you’re exactly the same as me. You don’t feel normal because you don’t fit in with your friends. But darling, here’s the real secret of humanity: NO-ONE is normal because we are all unique. The only difference is some people won’t admit it, either because they don’t know it or want to accept it.
The best kind of feeling is when you encounter diversity, would you rather a whole tin of biscuits all the same or a tin of mixed biscuits, some plain, some chocolate, some with chocolate chips and some with cream filling?
You, my dearest dame, have now been released from the bindings which have restrained you. Spread your wings and fly unhindered, embrace what you love and let no-one tell you that it’s “abnormal” or “weird”. To the broccoli, the chocolate bar is weird, but when it comes to having a snack, I’ll take the weird any day.
Think, feel and do what feels right to you and you’ll discover the person God wants you to be!
June 18, 2011 at 10:21 pm
I sent out a long apology about two days ago, and yet all what they have told me is “I appreciate your apology” which is just a crafty way of saying they still don’t want to forgive me. I know, since playing with words is one of my greatest fortes. But I feel so…free. As though I was painfully laced in corsets and forced to act like a proper lady all my life and suddenly, my stays have been cut away, and I can act however I please, not like how I’m expected to act. I feel like I can be my own person fully and completely, and if people don’t like it, then to hell with them!
NOW I understand everything clearly! 
You truly are the male version of myself! I’m SO glad, now more than ever, that you’ve found me. When you’ve taken such a liking to me, I knew I found a true friend in you. I’ve never once told a lie to you, that’s how comfortable I feel with you. And trust me, your story has been going on in Brooklyn, blow-by-blow, in the form of my life. I remember that day when you told me you suffered from depression. P3, Bonnie (who hates me now), and I were shivering in the computer room at school and when the nun passed by me, I stuffed my phone down my pants and well…it didn’t look right, let’s leave it at that!!! Then I pulled it out again and read that. And there was Bonnie, yammering away in my ear and I wasn’t listening to word of it. Instead I vowed to myself that because I love you with all my heart and soul (no matter how hard I tried to squash it) I will try to the best of my abilities to get you out of the depression. You more than anyone on the face of the planet deserves the happiest life, my darling. Someday, I want you to tell me that you’ve thrown away those pills. Just hearing that is worth more than anything. Worth more than a thousand friends, parties every week, daily hangouts, and being the most popular girl in school. I’m happiest when you’re happy
PS: thank you so much for explaining things in terms of food
Oh, and I think we are probably the greatest actors of the 21st century, with our ability to shift into different personalities in the blink of an eye! Hey, there had to be an upside to all this, right?
I love you so much <3
June 18, 2011 at 10:57 pm
I love that corset analogy
it’s true though, it’s very liberating to be free of negative influence! Just think of Bonnie. A ridiculous name by anyone’s standards, but she chooses to capitalise on it by referring to herself and her boyfriend as Bonnie and Clyde! Two mass murdering criminals! I might as well start calling myself John Dillinger or Pretty Boy Floyd! Actually, my best friend and I used to refer to ourselves as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid…BUT ANYWAY! She’s clearly nuttier than a carrot cake. She probably would have tried to get you to come along on an America-wide crime-spree.
You are a wonder
I don’t get depressed much at all anymore <3 But you got one thing wrong: I didn't so much take a liking to you as develop an instant infatuation 
but I'm so glad I found you because you've added a new dimension to my life, and though I've never met you (YET) I feel as though we've known each other for ages and ages and I just adore you <3
June 19, 2011 at 8:12 am
Thank you darling
or, shall I say, ‘Pretty Boy Floyd’? :’D I’m sorry my love, but when you suggested that in jest, not only did I accidentally snort while laughing, but you’ve inspired another nickname for yourself! 
I love you!
Oh I’m SO glad, my love!!!
that’s all what matters to me. And you developed an instant infatuation? Well, Pretty Boy, so did I! 
I feel exactly the same way, as though we’ve always been friends 
June 19, 2011 at 8:38 am
:O but he was a killer
I should have known better than to suggest something like that, knowing how you delight in teasing me 
you’re the best <3 <3 <2
June 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Yeah I lnow but I like his name, and how fitting it is for you!
you know you like it too, so stop complaining about it! And <2???? Really Pretty Boy? Really? 
June 19, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Some Pretty Boy I must look at the moment with my unwashed hair and beard!!!
Oh you terror! You know very well what I mean! *grabs shoulders and kisses* oh you’re SO CUTE! I just adore you!
June 19, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Oh…I like a scruffy little beard though. It’s adorable and it tickles *blushes*
When I was a little girl, my dad would tickle my cheeks with his stubble before he would shave it
I knew what you meant my love
just wanted to tease, Pretty Boy Floyd 
June 19, 2011 at 9:36 pm
*pictures a little kid version of C.I. and lapses into a cuteness-induced coma* I bet you were the cutest little thing ever! With a cute little dress and little Mary Jane shoes! OH and a bob with a little ribbon tied on the top! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! Too adorable!
Ok then…CALAMITY JANE!
June 19, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Do you have baby pictures of me and I don’t know it? You’re completely right! Except for one thing: the matching hats. Almost every outfit I owned, whether it be a frilly dress or one of those neon sweaters with leggings (hey, it was the 90s) needed a matching hat
indoors or during the summer I would wear the big bows, unless it was a sun hat…I sound like a total diva! :/ and I didn’t have a bob. As you know, my hair is really curly, so I had a mini-fro :’D How did you look like when you were a baby? I bet you had round pink cheeks, little shorts, big blue eyes, and a lollipop in your hand to complete your whole innocent look (which I don’t buy, by the way) 
YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY I like that nickname! It works!
June 20, 2011 at 8:42 am
Oh you sound like a total cherub! You pretty much described me exactly, but you missed my cheeks being chubby and a bowl cut hairstyle
and I always carried a little Brontosaurus figurine, not a lollipop 
Calam
June 20, 2011 at 9:16 am
AWWW you cute little angel!
With your bowl cut and your dinosaur!!!
For short?
June 20, 2011 at 9:31 am
I’d love to show you our home movies
xxxxx
Yush
June 20, 2011 at 10:35 am
Oh. My. God. Now you have to tell me all about them!!!
June 20, 2011 at 10:54 am
There’s one in particular you’d adore. It was Christmas 1995 and we were at my grandparents’ house and my Dad, Uncle, Lucy and I were kicking a football around. Anyhow, there’s your chubby little hero, running about at speeds of about a mile a YEAR. And whenever I got the ball I’d try to kick it, only to have it fall to the ground as my chubby little leg misses it. Eventually I get puffed and go and sit on the steps where my Aunt comes and “interviews” me.
Me: I’d jutht like to thay I appwethiate Thanta, Mithuth Clauth, Wudolf, the Weindeerth and the elveth for bwinging me thuch wonderful pwethenth. I weally appwethiate it.
Then evidently Lucy and I got bored and started playing on the grass, but a stray cat came and wandered onto the lawn, sending Lucy running off in a flurry of shrieks and encouraging me to stand near the cat going “WOOF WOOF WOOF!” in an attempt to drive it away.
June 20, 2011 at 7:12 pm
LMFAOOO lug you were so cute!!! Aw my chubby toothless little lug!
And then you tried to act like a dog to scare the cat away :’D oh that’s priceless! Please tell me some more!
June 20, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Hmmm…well there’s another Christmas one in which I’m 2 and it’s of my 2nd birthday party. My dad was following me around as I wandered about the house playing with presents and singing “Happy Birthday” to myself, and also my attempts to horde little cupcakes in my Sesame Street playhouse. Then I begin inviting people into my playhouse and tell them the names of all the characters and give them a cupcake.
Oh there’s my favourite one which is Lucy’s 4th birthday which features a VERY rosy, chubby cheeked me. During pass the parcel, the parcel stopped midway between me and another little girl (it was meant to land on her) but I snatched it and cried “OH ME AGAIN!” whilst all the adults tell me that it landed on the girl. Eventually I give it back but yell out “THAT’S BULLCRAP!”.
Then we were playing some sort of game wherein we were dancing in a circle and I run into the middle of the circle and start grooving away, before going around the circle kissing every second person and shoving every other person (keep in mind all the other guests were little girls…). When one girl refuses to let me kiss her, I grab her and force myself on her, knocking her over in the process).
June 20, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Can you please put these up on youtube? They are so precious and so goddamn hilarious! Especially the bullcrap one :’D did you kiss all those lucky girls on the lips by the way, because that would’ve been 1000 times funnier
you were always the flirt weren’t you, Pretty Boy 
do you have any more? I’m enjoying this immensely 
June 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm
They’re on Facebook, thanks to Lucy >:(
but it wasn’t flirting so much as sexual assault 
Haha yes I think it was the lips
That’s all the funny ones I can think of
June 21, 2011 at 9:23 am
Sugarplums! I don’t have a Facebook
but seeing little rogue Mark attack little girls might, just might, make me get one 
but if I did, I’d have only two friends, you and Lucy 
even though she probably doesn’t know who I am, I’d force her to be my friend 
By the way, I give you the all-clear
I don’t think they want to talk to me anymore, and frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn! I’m gonna have fun, and I won’t let them spoil it! Feel free to flood my humble blog over with comments 
June 21, 2011 at 9:49 am
Lucy knows who you are, trust me
I love boasting about my friend in New York 
(She’s obsessed with New York!)
I’m proud of you little one 
Is P3 still your pal?
Hurrah
June 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm
I know, you’ve told me before
I’d use my New York-ness to impress her into giving me a ton of embarrassingly hilarious photos/videos/stories of my favorite lug 
Especially since I recently read an article on the New York accent (some of its features are dying out! NOOOO!) and I found out that my accent is a LOT stronger than I thought… 
Yep, P3 and I are still chummy
June 21, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Not the accent :O you jest!!!
Oh you’re fiendish! But I doubt she’d tell you, I’d put the fear of God in her
I’m glad to hear
June 21, 2011 at 10:58 pm
I’m not jesting, unfortunately. It’s slowly becoming lost among the youth of course >:( if you speak to an older New Yorker, then yep you’d get the accent. But unfortunately, some of it’s aspects (especially the “oy” like “toity-toid” instead of “thirty-third”) is dying slowly :’( our identity is being lost!
Of course Lucy would spill the beans on her precious older brother, no matter how much he tries to scare her! I’m so much cooler than him
Thank you baby
By the way, I just finished “Scarlett” by Alexandra Ripley. I feel like I’ve been put through the wringer. What. Was. That?! I’m going to be writing one hell of a review tomorrow!
June 21, 2011 at 11:10 pm
D: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Precious older brother my foot! I bought her a $30 game the other day and she played it for half an hour before telling me she didn’t like it!
Yes I’ve heard it’s quite dreadful!
June 22, 2011 at 9:30 pm
I speak it, though
not as strong as Bugs Bunny or Groucho Marx, but it’s there 
It wouldn’t be too hard for her to gossip about you then
but she’s such an infuriating person to deal with! Is she ever satisfied?
“Dreadful” is an understatement!
June 22, 2011 at 9:48 pm
I doubt it! She wants an $89 game!
“Rhett Butler’s People” is quite good!
June 22, 2011 at 11:50 pm
And I don’t plan to lose it!
They actually make those shits for that unbelievable amount of money? Does Lucy do anything else but play video games? I wanna teach her how to be a dame so badly!
Yes it is
I’ve read it twice.
June 23, 2011 at 12:08 am
LOL LOL LOL LOL!!! Not really :’D
My friend finished GWTW last night (which I gave her back in JANUARY!) and said that she can’t believe how similar I am to Rhett and she is to Scarlett. I daresay she is mistaken as you are my Scarlett <3
June 28, 2011 at 11:07 am
It won’t annoy you?
Yes I do! I’m going to open a school for the art of dames and she’s going to be the first pupil!
Lol but my sister is better. It took her about six months to read past the Atlanta Bazaar (she quit right after) and it took her a year and a half to finish the last Harry Potter book. I think that girl likes you!
June 28, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Never! I’ll delight in each syllable!
She’s very unladylike. You should see her room! It’s disgraceful. You can’t see the floor, it’s just piles of junk.
Cute little Baby! I doubt it, she has a boyfriend. The one I called an eighth as handsome as me
I was being generous, it’s more like a sixty-fourth.
June 28, 2011 at 7:05 pm
We’ll have to see about that
Her floor is like my desk. It’s also like my ex-locker (oh how I miss good ol’ D63 :’( I seriously considered leaving the future owner of my locker a note to take care of it and decorate it nicely every year but decided against it because I know I would’ve gotten in trouble with the Principal) anyway…we’re much more similar than she thinks. We’re both pigs
By the way, can I send you a funny email?
June 28, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Well I will! So there dummy!
You’re so cute! I can’t stand it! *grabs you by the waist and pulls you to me and smooches*
Yush
June 28, 2011 at 11:03 pm
I’M NOT A DUMMY YOU LUMBERING DINGBAT!
Getting frisky, are you?
By the way, did I ever tell you about Sister Lucy, the guest speaker at my graduation? I thought of your sister and it made what happened seem a thousand times funnier 
YAY!!! I hope you like it! I’ll send it tomorrow morning. It’s half past midnight here
June 29, 2011 at 12:32 am
YOU FIVE-AND-TEN CENT PALOOKA!
Just a bit
Bahahahahahahahaha :’D Sister Lucy!!!
Huzzah!!
June 29, 2011 at 4:38 am
YOU MONKEYFACE!
You’re a very naughty boy!
Okay, so Sister Lucy was the guest speaker at graduation (though I don’t know why, she doesn’t work at the school nor is she an important alum or something). Usually the guest speaker has to have a memorable speech, right? Poor Sister Lucy was so nervous and shaky throughout her speech. When she got down from the podium, she epically tripped on the wooden step of the podium and she almost fell off the stage! And the best part was she made no effort to save herself, she just got lucky. The only thing she held on to when she fell was her graduation cap so it wouldn’t fly off :’D
If only my dad can get off the computer now…
June 29, 2011 at 7:25 am
What was that thing someone called Gabe? Big Stinky or something? :’D
You don’t know the half of it baby.
Poor Sister Lucy :’D
Kick him off!
June 29, 2011 at 10:28 am
Yes! They called him Big Stinky in Honky Tonk (stupid name for a film if you ask me…)
Say what, babycakes? Now you gotta spill the details!
Everyone laughed in her face :’D and then towards the end of the graduation the assistant principal dropped her index cards with the students’ names and their special honors onstage and she kicked them under her seat “like a true professional”. Give me a buh-reak. I was on the stage too, and there’s nothing professional about 154 index cards scattered all over the floor!
Geez, he’s off, he’s off. If I even tried to kick my dad, I’d end up breaking all the bones in my foot!
June 29, 2011 at 11:03 am
Who said it to him? :’D and it is kinda a bad name!
*grabs you by the waist and pulls you close. Gazes into your eyes and gives you my most charming smile* Never. *smooches*
I would have howled!
Is he a tank?
June 29, 2011 at 9:21 pm
One of his ex-girlfriends in the film
Don’t think your charms would help you get away with it!
People did howl. Literally! At the very beginning the principal warned against making rude noises during the ceremony and threatened with the security guards, but the audience howled and catcalled and basically turned it into a rowdy circus
My graduation was a fail, obv.
Hahaha yes. I sent the email my love
June 29, 2011 at 10:11 pm
:’D played by?
I think they already have!
“Obv”? Ok th Sar sin w abbr wor
June 30, 2011 at 3:08 am
UGGHHH Claire Trevor! Any more questions, Big Stinky?
No they won’t! Never!!!!!! *brandishes imaginary sword*
Oh puh-leez Big Stinky you’re not funny!
Get used to it because that’s the way I speak in real life 
June 30, 2011 at 8:58 am
:O you cat!
*grabs you and smooches*
I’m hilarious!
July 2, 2011 at 10:05 pm
Why cat?!
*pushes off* who do you think you are? Clark Gable? Watch him say yes!
Oh yes. A laugh riot!
I think you’re funny, really 
July 2, 2011 at 10:30 pm
No idea really
Yep! *grabs you AGAIN and smooches*
I know you do. Because I am.
July 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
Okay then. You’re a lizard
Don’t you ever get tired of doing that?
You may be hilarious, but that’s because you learned from the master…moi!
By the way, I heard the most hilarious song EVER. A Bing Crosby and Clark Gable duet! :’D I’m desperate to find it in mp3 format so I can listen to it on my iPod!
July 3, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I am not!
Nope! Never.
*scoffs* yeah Carole, if you say so!
:’D *dies*
July 5, 2011 at 9:14 am
A platypus!
And I’ll never get tired of you doing it
FIGHT ME! *makes fists*
Clark was so bad, it was good! He sang with no rhythm or feeling whatsoever, and burst out laughing randomly while Bing was putting his heart and soul into the thing :’D
July 5, 2011 at 10:31 am
P3 would adore me then!
<3
*grabs and pins your little arms to your sides and then smooches you*
:'D what was the song called?
July 6, 2011 at 9:07 am
She’d keep you for a pet
<3 <3 <3
Oh! You cad!
Old Cowboy Joe
July 6, 2011 at 10:05 am
I’d poison her >:)
*smooches*
*massages little Carole*
:’D
July 6, 2011 at 8:24 pm
LMFAOOOO :’D I love you, I love you, I love you!
*smooches back*
Aaaaah
heaven!
You can head it on dearmrgable’s audio page
July 6, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Love you more toots!
*showers you with kisses*
*kisses your ear whilst massaging*
I can head it, eh?
July 7, 2011 at 12:05 am
No ya don’t, stud, I love you more!
*showers YOU with kisses!*
*sighs and (hopefully!) tantalizingly tilts head to the side*
Oh my God! HEAR, okay? HEAR! You knew what I meant!
July 7, 2011 at 7:16 am
I love you to infinity!
*dies from love overdose*
*necks*
Hahahahahahahaha
July 13, 2011 at 2:13 am
I love you to infinity and BEYOND
You seriously need to control that dying impulse. If I want to physically manifest my undying love for you, nothing kills the romance more than dying, no pun intended
Uhh…guess the massage was a thing of the past?
You torment me!
July 13, 2011 at 7:56 am
*dies of shame*
When the opportunity to neck arrives, take it!
Constantly
July 13, 2011 at 9:59 am
Not me. Buzz Lightyear
STAAAAHHHHP DYING!
That’s a deep life philosophy, lug. That’s deep
For the rest of my life
July 13, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Ugh! He’s a stupid looking thing!
*dies* :’D
I know. I’m like Socrates.
And in Heaven!
July 13, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Lmao, he really is! I never thought of it before!
*quits and leaves your dead body*
I’m taking philosophy next year. I’ll be sure to introduce everyone to the phenomenon that is Mark Glidden
God will defend me
July 13, 2011 at 9:31 pm
The stupid swirl on his chin annoys me >:(
*rises from the grave*
you’ll probably have to do boring old Greek philosophy first.
He will not! He will help me!
July 14, 2011 at 10:18 am
OH. MY. GOD. I KNOW!
Yay! I love a good ghost story!
It’s called saving the best for last
No! God will help the little lady first!
July 14, 2011 at 11:19 am