Thank You, Ex-Boyfriend

Hey everyone, hope you’re all having a happy holiday! I know that in the past I’ve been absent from my blog a lot due to illness (but recently it’s been because of school) and I think I ought to come clean about that: I’ve been ill in past months due to abhorrent treatment from my ex (the one I’ve blogged about in the past). I thought about making this giant scorching expose of him and his family on here, but then I thought that it would be too inflammatory (even for me) and that you will lose respect for me and I would end up losing respect for myself too. Maybe I’ll save the scathing expose for my memoirs. However, because it’s the holiday season, I thought I would talk about all the good things that he has done for me. Everyone comes to you for a reason, after all.

So, thank you ex-boyfriend, for so many things:

Thank you for constant verbal abuse. It was strange to have you calling me horrible things while my friends at school were telling me that I am beautiful inside and out. It taught me who my true friends are and it taught me to seek those who see beauty in others always.

Thank you for lazy, stay-at-home attitude. It has increased my sense of adventure and exploration. While you’re probably spending your nights reading the expiration dates on your dairy products, as a friend of mine so famously said, I’ve been going out and seeing new places and meeting new people. Thank you for that.

Thank you for never defending me when I needed it. While you sat there like an ass, other male friends have rushed to my defense. It taught me that chivalry isn’t as dead as you make it seem to be.

Thank you for ridiculing me on a public forum. It taught me that only sissies and losers would publicly make fun of a girl on Facebook and not to feel hurt by your comments.

Thank you for saying that you were the one who blocked me on Facebook. That’s why I’m looking at your name and your sister’s name under my block list, right?

Thank you for being misogynistic. It’s been the butt of jokes amongst many, many people. Trust me.

Thank you for always turning the conversation to yourself. It taught me to seek the humbleness and modesty in others.

Thank you for being a liar. It taught me that honesty is the best policy.

Thank you for being narrow-minded. It taught me to open my mind and to be accepting towards all people.

Thank you for your disdain of the arts. It has only increased my artistic passions and creative pursuits.

Thank you for trying to tear me away from my family. It taught me that they are #1.

Thank you for insulting my friends. It has only made me love them more.

Thank you for trying to destroy my male friendships. They have become like brothers to me.

Thank you for trying to destroy my self-esteem. I may be different, but I enjoy being different. And other people appreciate it too.

Thank you for driving me to suicide several times. Now I can’t even entertain the thought.

Thank you for hating the city in which I live. Now I’d never move out of here for anything.

Thank you for thinking that you are a better-looking version of Gary Cooper. It still cracks me up that you can actually think that about yourself. Bless your little heart.

Thank you for disrespecting me. It taught me that good relationships should be based on respect above anything else. Too bad that means you can never have a good relationship, since you don’t respect women.

Thank you for calling me “crazy” and “kooky” every time I showed emotion. It taught me to seek those who understand emotion and know how to behave accordingly.

Thank you for your lazy attitude towards work. It has encouraged me to work a job, volunteer, and to seek a second job.

Thank you for always doing poorly in school. It has spurred me to keep up my good grades.

Thank you for hating 95% of the world’s population. And for silly things too, like their religion or their sexual orientation. It taught me to never judge anyone and to appreciate what each person has to offer.

Thank you for being racist and supporting white supremacy. It further showed me something that I always knew: that all people are beautiful.

Thank you for always shitting on my culture. It taught me that all cultures are fascinating.

Thank you for touting yourself as a “real man.” I bet you don’t even have a penis, kinda like a Ken doll when you pull his pants off.

Thank you for calling yourself a Christian. It taught me that a true Christian is the exact opposite of what you are.

Thank you for being intolerant of other faiths. It taught me to never judge anyone on their beliefs.

Lastly, thank you for cheating on me with multiple girls. It gave me the energy and realization to leave you and to make my life so much better without your miserable presence.

This is for his sister, who’s just as bad as he is:

Thank you for trying to ruin the relationship. It taught me to never stick my nose in other people’s business. It also taught me that you need to get a life.

Thank you for being jealous of me. I didn’t know that living in New York City and being a size 4 was that special or important, but it taught me that materialistic and shallow people like you are always the most miserable.

Thank you for saying that I “live in a fantasy world.” Meanwhile you think you live in an episode of “Gossip Girl.” It’s always fun to deal with people of meager intelligence such as yourself.

Thank you for your mindless celeb-worship. It taught me to look up to people who actually do something besides make assholes of themselves.

Thank you for your alcoholism. It taught me to take good care of myself and to look my best always, not like some drunk slob who vomits and pees herself.

Thank you for not going to college. It reminds me that someday I’ll be making money while you’ll be living off mommy and daddy for as long as you live.

Thank you for spending 20 out of the 24 hours a day on your X-Box. It taught me to actually go out and to actually meet people and gain new experiences.

Thank you for falling in love with your brother. Because who else would marry someone like him besides someone like yourself?

I write this because I know that many women have or will go through an abusive relationship. It’s so tough and it tears you apart. I don’t want something like this to happen to anyone. Please, take my experience as an example and let yourself go of those who fill you with negative energy. No one is worth the damage that such a relationship can cause. I’m glad I’ve found the strength to shake these bums off and lead a happy, fulfilling life once more. What are you thankful for this holiday season? xx

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